Q: I broke up with my boyfriend of seven months a few weeks ago. Last weekend I went out with some of my friends and saw him at a bar with a new girl. Of course I was hurt and angry, so I said some things I shouldn’t have said.
I realize it was childish and I want to apologize to him, but how should I do it? It is obvious that he has moved on, but it’s so hard to see him with someone else. What should I do to make this easier on myself and make sure our relationship ends on a good note? And should I move on, too?
A: It’s obvious that you aren’t over your ex-boyfriend yet. It’s also obvious that you are having second thoughts about breaking up with him. It’s hard for you to accept the fact that he is not yours anymore. Sometimes you probably still think of him as your boyfriend and not someone else’s. He still means a lot to you and you can’t handle seeing him with another girl. You think of this other girl as taking your place.
If you think about it, it seems as if he benefited the most from the breakup. I don’t think he minded at all, because he has already found someone else.
His getting over you so quickly should be a sign for you-a sign that this guy just isn’t worth it. Maybe it was good for you to get your negative feelings out in the open. But it’s also good that you realize the mistake you made and want to fix it.
The best thing to do would be to talk to him about this in person. He can’t hang up on you if you talk to him this way. Apologize to him and be sincere about it.
Tell him that you still have feelings for him and that it hurt to see him with someone else. Tell him that you are used to being the only girl by his side, and another girl in the picture is a new thing for you to deal with. Try not to get too emotional while telling him this. Don’t scare him away like you probably did the night you embarrassed him at the bar. Hopefully he will listen to what you have to say and you two will end on a better note.
Discover the great perks of being single. I’m sure you wanted to be single anyway, since you are the one who ditched him. Now is your chance to catch up with your old friends that mean so much to you. Once you’re completely over him, meet new people, especially guys. Go on dates and explore your possibilities. Good luck making things right with your ex-boyfriend, and good luck finding someone else who won’t get over you so quickly.
Q: I have a huge crush on one of my best friends. He and I have been friends since our freshmen year, and the more I know him, the more I fall in love with him. Now it’s my senior year, and we are both single.
Recently I’ve been getting this vibe from him, but I’m not sure what it means. With graduation ahead I only have a few months to make sure I don’t lose the guy of my dreams.
I have wanted a relationship with this guy for years, and this may be my last chance to tell him how I feel. Could I be imagining something that’s not there? Should I make a move, or let the friendship stay where it’s at?
A: Your first step should be figuring out what his vibe means. This will help you decide whether or not risking your friendship with him will be well worth it.
When you two go to a party, does he focus his attention on you or on the other girls in the room? Does he look out for you and keep your best interests at heart? Observe him when another guy comes up to you and flirts with you. What is his reaction? Does he treat it as a casual thing, or does it visibly eat at him? When you call him, does he stop what he’s doing to talk to you? Or does he tell you he’s busy and to call him back later? Does he ever shower you with compliments or treat you like “one of the guys”?
I think you know most of the answers to those questions, and it’s possible he has feelings for you, too. Whether I’m right or not, I still think you should definitely take a big leap by asking him how he feels and telling him how you feel about him.
Going from friends to potential lovers is a tricky and confusing process. Take things slow so you won’t scare him away. Your guy may need a few days or so to process your feelings for him and his feelings for you. Even though reaching this new level may be hard for you to deal with, you will regret it in the future and always wonder what could’ve been. Do both of you a favor and do it now while he is in the same city, rather than years from now when he may have moved on and is hundreds of miles away from you.
Or this guy is could just be a chicken by waiting on you to make the first move. Guys aren’t completely stupid, and he more than likely knows that you have had a thing for him for years. If you truly believe that your friend is completely clueless, ask him to go with you to see a movie or to go out for dinner Friday night. Drop him hints to make sure he knows that it is considered a date and not just a regular night for two good friends to hang out and watch a ballgame on TV. Tell him to dress nice and to pick you up Friday night. When he arrives make sure you look dressed to the nines. Once he sees you all dolled up, his radar should go off, and he might see you in a whole new light.
Step up and be brave. It will make you feel a whole lot better. And hopefully things will work out for the best. Good luck!
Michelle will answer readers’ questions. E-mail them to [email protected].