Q: I have had a crush on someone for over a year, and recently he asked me to go out. Of course I was thrilled, and we went on the best date I’ve ever had. It was so much fun that now we’ve been on a few more dates. Everything is going well so far, but I have noticed that while we’re out, he sometimes looks at other girls when he thinks I don’t notice. Normally I would confront the person I’m with about this habit, but I’ve wanted this guy for so long I’ve been letting it slide. Right now we’re not serious, but is this some warning sign that I should take notice of?
A: What you may be failing to realize is that whether you receive this constant attention is determined by what you do to earn it.
While your guy is expected to open doors, hold chairs and pick up the checks, you also have a certain responsibility on dates. Enhance the conversation, giggle at his lame jokes, and play along with sexual innuendos instead of rolling your eyes. In general, don’t bore him. If this sounds terrible, no need to worry. You should only have to do this long enough to get inside his head. Your control will be the kind where a snap of the fingers or a swift, painful pinch of his ear will instantaneously return his gaze to your face.
While you’re working towards that, keep in mind that guys and girls respond differently to affection. I like to compare women to cats and men to dogs. Give a cat some TLC, and it’ll think it is god. Give a dog some attention and love and it’ll think you are a god. With that in mind, by bestowing the right amount of attention on your man, you will have him kissing your feet.
So, in the meantime, examine exactly what is getting in your way. He has you sitting before him, yet he’s looking elsewhere. Is he glancing at a girl dressed a little more revealingly than you? Hey, it happens. Low cut tops are like male eye magnets. If it’s a blonde catching his eye, don’t let it concern you. Us guys like shiny things. Chrome and blonde hair are just eye-grabbing (shiny black leather works, too). If you make him feel awkward by pretending to check her out with him or bring her up in the conversation, he will probably knock it off. But, if it’s just momentary glances, and his gaze returns to you, you’ve got the competition beat, or you are farther along in your conquest than you thought.
Of course, there are more direct ways to address his wandering eyes. You could address the issue in a serious manner. Tell him you notice. Tell him a beatdown will be administered if it continues. But try not to sound possessive as you threaten him. At least he was trying to hide his stares, so hopefully, he cares enough about you to tune out all others, especially when in your presence.
As for the severity of his actions, it’s a little early on in the relationship to get too worked up about it. What he’s doing isn’t right or respectful of you, but he may just be trying to enjoy his last few moments of freedom before opting for commitment. At least he’s not looking at guys, so at this point I think you’re OK But keep in mind that if things get serious and he still persists, that it could be an indicator of worse things down the road.