tatistics can be interesting or quite boring depending on how and when they are used. Upon hearing the more interesting statistics, one might think, “Wow, I did not know that,” or “Gosh, that’s shocking.” The boring ones just become numbers, numbers, numbers. To hear anyone recite them is like listening to Charlie Brown’s teacher. The statistic I’m going to share warrants a response all its own. I came across this while reading a flyer placed on one of the tables in Perry Cafeteria. I’m sure many of you may have seen it, as well.
74 percent of MSU freshman have four or fewer drinks per week.
Whatever message this flyer was trying to send out never reached me. If someone out there understands it, please fill me in. Until then, here are my conclusions on the matter:
First of all, the acceptable number of drinks consumed per week has been set at a maximum of four. What I’d like to know is what horrible statistic do we get if the maximum number is reduced to three drinks? Two? One? None?
Also, take a look at whom the statistic is aimed-freshman. In an attempt to get a percentage that would make the university look respectable, the staticians had to target a group whose vast majority is underage. Just one drink puts them over the legal limit. That means a sizeable percentage of our freshman class is breaking the law.
The statistic implies that four or fewer drinks are a noble goal to shoot for. But be careful-four drinks in one night and you’re on the verge of being a binge drinker.
The fun doesn’t stop there. Are the statistics to be trusted? Imagine how the statician obtained his information. Someone representing MSU asked freshmen about their drinking habits.
The statistic that I want to know is the percentage of who lied. Knowing that this had to be a decent percentage, can you imagine what the accurate numbers would look like?
Now that we’ve taken an honest look, let’s assess the data. According to my calculations, you could be a lying, law-breaking, binge-drinking minor whose temperance is reserved for just three days of the week, and you’re still praised on a table centerpiece at the fine dining locations across our university.
For the 26 percent of freshman out there that didn’t make the cut, and for anyone else disturbed and disappointed by these statistics, here are the statistics from the other SEC schools that you might find comforting.
Percentages of freshman having four drinks or fewer per week at
*Vanderbilt: 70 percent. Hours of studying and the pressure to perform drive many to sip on grandpa’s cough medicine.
*South Carolina: 60 percent. Freshmen take to the bottle as soon as they learn their school mascot is the Gamecock.
*Kentucky: 50 percent. Students must be drunk to enjoy that much bluegrass.
*Tennessee: 40 percent. Just check out this excerpt from their fight song:
“Once two strangers climbed ol’ Rocky Top, lookin’ for a moonshine still;
Strangers ain’t come down from Rocky Top; Reckon they never will.”
*Auburn: 30 percent. Students are so toasted that they can’t decide whether to yell, “Go Tigers,” or cry, “War Eagle.”
*Georgia and Florida: 20 percent. Why else would they call their football rivalry the “World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party?”
*Arkansas: 10 percent. How else do you explain Bill Clinton being elected governor five times?
*Alabama: 7 percent. They’re still mourning the loss of the Bear.
*LSU: 4 percent. The students begin drinking for Saturday’s games on Sunday.
*Ole Miss: 0 percent. And Eli leads the charge.
Michael Stewart is a junior philosophy and religion major. Send comments to [email protected].