Hey guys, remember “Miami Vice?” (Be honest, it’s OK.) Well, if you’re like me and you’ve been having Crockett and Tubbs withdrawals for the last 13 years, there’s great news…the “Vice” is back! Well, sort of. Igniting the Fox network’s new fall lineup is “Fast Lane,” a one-hour police drama that relies on the same formula that made “Miami Vice” the most irresistibly corny cop show ever made. In “Vice,” Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas played cool (for frightening ’80s standards) undercover cops who cruised around in Ferraris and cigarette boats, patrolling the Miami underworld for elusive drug dealers and hooking up with buxom blondes along the way.
“Fast Lane” offers the same concept with a few modern upgrades. Johnson and Thomas are out, and Peter Facinelli and Bill Bellamy are in. Facinelli plays Van Ray, an undercover Los Angeles cop who has trouble keeping business and pleasure in that order. With his Tom Cruise looks and a unique charm that is both sophisticated and boyish, Van suavely finesses his way undercover (and under the covers), only to muscle his way out of it later.
After Van’s partner dies in the first episode, Van is joined by Deaqon Hayes (Bellamy), a former New York narcotics officer. Like Tubbs in “Miami Vice,” Deaq brings both his Bronx street smarts and a taste for vengeance, a taste he keeps momentarily quenched by the professionalism of the badge and an appetite for the sizzling Hollywood nightlife.
Van and Deaq’s headquarters are based in a warehouse known as the Candystore. No licorice in this candy store, however; just enough chrome-plated muscle to make Master P’s garage look like a used car dealership. Ferraris, ’68 Mustangs, Ducati motorcycles and a few million dollars worth of other police-confiscated shiny things can be found in the Candystore.
At the helm of the Candystore is Lieutenant Billie Chambers (former “90210” vixen Tiffani Thiessen). Although she rarely stays in a scene for more than two minutes, Billie’s involvement is pivotal. Whether she is digitally creating fake IDs or gingerly applying a third coat of wax to a Mustang, Billie never strays far from the spotlight, nor does she let her overgrown boys get too playful with the merchandise.
Van and Deaq form a dysfunctional yet functional relationship. Deaq often finds himself annoyed with Van’s hard-headedness and his flaky attempts to identify with Deaq’s black heritage, while Deaq’s loner mentality often leaves Van out in the cold. Their personalities mesh about as smoothly as a pork roast in a vegetarian buffet, but when the cover is blown and bullets start to fly, they are as smooth as Italian silk pajamas washed in French champagne.
Perhaps the biggest star of “Fastlane” is the man behind the camera. Co-creator and executive producer McG brings the same high-gloss, high-octane photography he exhibited as director of “Charlie’s Angels.” In just two episodes, McG has already given viewers a mesmerizing array of intense car chases, blazing slow-motion gunfights and more than a few eyefuls of bare midriffs and falling items of clothing.
McG’s experience as a music video director also comes into play, with a soundtrack that is in-your-face Limp Bizkit and P.O.D. one minute and sensual, emotional Depeche Mode and Coldplay the next. And, for good measure, the pilot episode featured a “Miami Vice” mainstay, Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight.” Never get tired of that one!
While “Fast Lane” accomplishes its goal of offering a hipper, slicker, sexier, more violent “Miami Vice,” the dialog is every bit as cheesy, plagued with one-liners, slightly outdated slang and run-on jokes that get lost in the sea of bling-bling (how’s that for outdated slang!).
Overall, I’d have to say that “Fastlane” could be the most fun you can have with a 19-inch box. Just be sure to check your IQ at the door.