Q: My girlfriend and I can’t stop fighting. She yells, I yell and then people get uncomfortable hanging out with us. We are both argumentative, but we always get over our fights. The problem is we are starting to argue more and more in public. Now our friends are not wanting to go anywhere with us when we’re having one of our “nights.” How can I talk with her about this so we can stay together and keep our friends?
A: Anger management classes are what I recommend. But if you two want to add a little spice into the relationship and another way of handling the frequent arguments, grab your girlfriend, find the nearest and biggest mud puddle, and practice the art of mud wrestling. Make it a fair game and challenge your opponent (your girlfriend). Let the games begin!
However, if your girlfriend is not the next Chyna or does not enjoy getting down and dirty, there are other solutions to your problem. The main thing I would suggest is to stop the yelling. Yelling makes matters worse and serves no purpose. Try talking in normal tones and use your “inside voices”. If you are the comedic kind of guy, interrupt the yelling by shouting out something absurd or hilarious. Hopefully, this tactic will break up the heated argument and make your girlfriend laugh.
Try to prevent any disagreements from occurring in the first place. Talk through your problems with your girlfriend in a normal manner. When something that she does makes you mad, take a few minutes to calm down. Once you are calmed down, if the matter is serious, explain to your girlfriend what she did to make you upset. Maybe once she knows what gets on your nerves, she will stop doing it in the future. Be sure to discuss and handle your arguments at home, instead of in public, especially around your friends. I could see why your friends do not want to hang out with you two. Who wants to be around people who constantly argue? Arguing in public puts your friends in an uncomfortable situation. It also humiliates you and your girlfriend. Make this easy on everyone, including yourself, and leave your problems with your girlfriend at home.
Make sure you two avoid being judgmental towards each other. Listen to what she has to say and vice-versa. You two are pros at fighting, by now. Try to remember what the main things that you two fight about most often. Once you have that certain thing in mind, stay clear of whatever it may be. This should cut down most of your fighting. Next time you two have a heated argument, ask yourselves this: Would you guys rather have a relationship like Nick and Jessica’s or would you rather have a relationship like Al Bundy and his wife Peggy’s?