As the days count down until my big day, the anxieties go up. I will be getting married to my girlfriend on Feb. 15, which is our dating anniversary, although we had been close friends for years before that.

Now, I have the normal pre-wedding jitters such as making sure all the planning turns out fine and everyone will have enough food and beverages, but I also have other anxieties rather specific to my situation (besides the fact that I still have not finished sewing her dress, let alone what I will be wearing and will likely still find glitter in my belongings for years to come).

I am a trans guy, meaning my birth certificate has the little F on it but I experience a masculine gender. My fiancée’s family has been accepting of the relationship, even helping to sponsor the wedding, but we still have to deal with all but about two of her family members considering our relationship to be a lesbian one. This is because I simply have the wrong genitals (in their eyes) to count as anything other than a woman, albeit an unfeminine one.  This has lead to some rather interesting interactions with my soon-to-be nephews as their father refers to me as a woman, but their mother refers to me as a man.

From my birth relatives, I have some different drama going on. My paternal grandmother is a pastor who, while she will come to be happy for me, sent me a long letter detailing why I should reconsider becoming legally married, even if I intend to stay with my fiancée. Interestingly, she also recounted to me a story of having masculine gender feelings when she was younger and cites her eventual acceptance that her body parts will not magically change as a reason for me to reconsider my own transness.

However, at least she and my paternal grandfather will be attending. My father and step-mother have refused to go or let my younger siblings attend on grounds of gay, despite at least one of my siblings really wanting to go.

My maternal family is happy for me and attending, though I have not come out to them about me being trans. This will make it interesting when I finally work up the courage to tell them. I figured my first conversation with them in years would probably be shocking enough announcing my marriage to a woman. I did not need to risk someone hanging up on me when I told them I’m actually a guy.

On top of all this, my petition for legally changing my name to Bek Andrew (for my uncle Andy who has been my only truly supportive male family member) Yake will be on Feb. 8. My fingers are crossed, and hopefully the judge will consider transness a valid reason to want to change my name and the drama at the wedding will not be too terrible.