Oh Lord, y’all. It’s that time of year again. And by that time of year, I mean Jan. 13. We’ve returned from holiday, and some of us (you, in particular) are currently reading The Reflector. It’s a great day. It’s a great life. My life was specifically great over the break, as I spent a large portion of it in Europe. Headquartered in Liege, Belgium, I was able to branch out and see several different cities and a few countries. I had never been abroad, so it was a real treat for me.
The only problem is so much
seemed to change in America in
the slightly less than two weeks I
was gone. By the time I returned,
I felt so removed from American
culture, I almost wanted to go
back to Europe. For example, I
noticed that Pepsi had changed its
logo in my absence. I was totally
like, “Whaaaat?!”
The issue was only complicated
by the feeling Europeans
undoubtedly view me as an outsider,
not to mention the problem
of me knowing absolutely
no French, Spanish, Flemish or
in fact any language other than
English. So upon returning to
America, I felt like I was in some
sort of cultural limbo between the
two continents.
Fortunately for me, by random
genetic chance, MSU had altered
its own culture in a way that
helped ease my transition back
into American society. I am of
course alluding to the 100 handsome
new bicycles on campus.
I say this because in several
of the cities I visited, such as
Maastricht, Netherlands, everyone
rides a bike. Upon seeing the
thousands of bicycles in the city,
I began to wonder why we don’t
embrace that form of transportation
in the same way. Then, lo
and behold, I come back to MSU
and there are 100 stylish maroon
bicycles on campus, free for all to
use. Dream come true.
It made my day Wednesday
to ride one of those bikes. I was
of course immediately overtaken
with the urge to steal it and ride it
back to my apartment, enthralled
with the ease and simplicity of
being able to steal something and
also use it as the requisite getaway
vehicle.
Luckily I was able to maintain
some civility. I dropped it
off at the bike rack nearest my
apartment and walked the rest of
the way home. Hopefully everyone
can execute a similar level of
restraint, because it would be a
shame for this plan to backfire.
These snazzy new bicycles are not
only highly functional, but they’re
also extremely fun. Not to mention
pleasant.
Of course, I’m still feeling a little
bit of culture shock. Things are
just so different in Europe that I
might need a little more help. For
example, in Europe, you often
have to pay to use the bathroom
in restaurants, bars, etc. That’s
something for MSU to consider.
We could also emulate Europe by
selling beer in vending machines,
on and off campus. Actually, I
had thought of that before ever
leaving America in the first place.
But still.
Not only will these changes
help to improve MSU, but they
will also produce quite a profit.
What can we do with all that
profit? My vote is we buy more
bicycles. That or we can give it
all to me, since it was my idea
after all.
Robert Scribner is a graduate student majoring in business administration. He can be contacted at [email protected].