Monday morning was unique. I woke early and ate breakfast with friends. For such a day as I was about to have, the bacon, eggs, hash browns and pancakes would be needed to prepare myself from that day’s onslaught. This rainy Monday was like any other, but I awoke with something nagging in my brain – “-isms.”
At first, I thought this was my typical Fox News socialism hangover, life in the age of Obama. No, this was different; this episode was more pervasive.
As I sat eating my breakfast, staring at the bottle of syrup, I noticed the nice portrayal of a snowy log cabin on the bottle, probably akin to some place where the syrup was harvested and where a family enjoyed a breakfast just as hardy as mine before they ventured out to their snowy maple grove to harvest said syrup. It evoked memories of growing up. Cold, holiday mornings back home where we ate such filling meals in between deer hunts and the occasional gathering of firewood.
I took another bite of pancake. It made me feel good. Mmmmm, consumerism.
The meal was done, so well-enjoyed even the dog got to lick everyone’s plate clean after they’d finished. We went to the porch to see the rain.
“Heeey-eeey, this sex is on fiiiiiiire,” sang a mental replay of Kings of Leon as we watched the rain fall. Why’s it there? I don’t know. Jesus, I thought, lyricism. This can only get worse. Oh, monotheism as well. Great.
It finally was time to go to class. A quick cup of coffee from Strange Brew would send my friend Matthew and I on our way to campus. I wondered if they’d have a dark roast that I’d like. I didn’t think so. Skepticism followed by cynicism. Why are they coming in pairs now?
So, pressing on toward campus and my final goal of my Carpenter Hall classroom, I finally arrived to class – German III. Holy hell! A professor, a foreign language and the same foreign language Nietzsche spoke. Intellectualism, multiculturalism followed by a short pondering of nihilism. If God is dead, how’s the rest of the trinity doing? Can dogs really not look up? Big Al says so. Pop-culturalism.
At this point, any reader who has ventured thus far is probably wondering just where in the hell I’m going with this. Escapism?
It’s going to be OK, fair reader. Evidently, I’m credible. Otherwise, how would you explain the fact my article is even showing up on this page? Surely there must be some oversight as to ascertain whether or not an opinion writer can have the privilege of presenting an opinion here.
Maybe. What would happen if somebody took this and all articles at mere face value? At least you know this is an opinion.
Anyway, our German lesson carried on. I learned the German word for a garden gnome, briefly. Had I written it down, I would have shared it with you. Obscure-German-word-forgetful-ism. Like any good news media source, I invent my own words and phrases for situations, especially to add drama. I have not yet risen to the level of catchy acronyms. The reader is probably, by now at least, enthralled with this story. Narcissism and fanticism, I’m now on a roll.
I was waiting for the bus. Public transportation – a hallmark of socialism. Egads! It was bound to show up sometime. It was raining. A girl had no umbrella as we got off at the same parking lot and were walking down the same row of cars. I thought to offer my umbrella to share. No, she’s not worth it. She’s walking toward a Mercedes-Benz.
Antagonism and classism rear their heads. Her rain boots and shorts make her look hot. Probably a sorority girl I think to myself. Bang, sexism. A joke about a woman’s feet being small so she can reach closer to the sink pops into mind. Ha ha ha, chauvinism.
These views are my own and in no way represent the views of The Reflector or Mississippi State University. Self-preservationism, or lack thereof, supercedes a feeling of indifferentism.
I climb into my car, a Nissan Xterra. Obviously this automobile is a great symbol of American independence and global dominance for me to drive. A healthy V-6 allows me to feel less guilty about burning fossil fuels but still maintains the American desire for acceleration. Hello, cynicism and a false feeling of ethnocentrism and elitism.
A lady of a different ethnic background drives out of turn at a four-way intersection. I swear at her to myself in my car. Racism. If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Is a slur still a slur if I say it in the private, air-conditioned, steel and plastic bubble of my car?
Is it even wrong in the first place? Nihilism.
Who in the hell am I anyway? I could just scan an article online and Wikipedia some names and sound like an expert, a real pundit. There’s no point. We all should implicitly trust the talking heads on TV. They’re on television for christsake, they can’t be wrong. Our best interests are the forefront of everything they do. It’s all for the public good. Newspapers are dying. Nobody wants to read this. Why do we even bother? Journalism.
It’s all in good fun. Subsidiarism.
David Breland is a junior majoring in communication. He can be contacted at [email protected].