As the curtain of my collegiate career is quickly coming to a close, I look back with fondness on all the memories I have made while attending Mississippi State University. However, I will not miss having to repay my student loans.
It has dawned on me recently that one day I will have to pay back all of my collegiate “investments.” I have absolutely no idea how I am going to repay these loans as a practicing journalist. As the newspaper industry folds in on itself, I have considered several career opportunities to keep the student loan officers off of my back.
My first career option as a gangsta rapper could be the best job to clear off all of my amassed debt. Instead of graduating from college in a couple of weeks, I could drop out of school and begin working on my album Straight Outta the Hood.
Out of the many career options, I think that this one could clear all of my debt the easiest. It would require the least amount of work, I could sit in the studio with my homies, drop a couple of beats on my synthesizer and make songs about events that never really happened like some of the other rappers do. Everybody knows only a minority of rappers are actually telling the truth anyway. Dick Cheney, former Vice President of the United States, has more street cred than most rappers because he actually shot someone while everyone else only writes about it.
Though I have never shot anyone, drank a forty as they are called, sold marijuana or smoked it, I am sure it would not be too hard to make up some mad rhymes with tight beats about it. No one would ever know other than God. It could be our little secret.
After thinking about my career options some more, the thought of living my life as a lie does not sound appealing to me. Another alternative I have devised to repay my loans is an organ peddler on the black market. The human body is quite an amazing thing. I have heard about people who have lost their hearing or their sight and their other senses became stronger to compensate.
Well, I hope this is what happens as I give some of my organs away. The first organ to go would be my pancreas. I have two of them and how much insulin does my body need anyway? In spite of the immense pain I would feel from surgery, I think that this would be the best option, or I could sell myself into indentured servitude. Wait . not a good idea.
Lawrence Simmons is a senior majoring in communication. He can be contacted at [email protected].