David Merritt is a junior majoring in communication. He can be contacted at [email protected].I witnessed a very horrible incident last weekend. It involved the woman behind me in line at Wal-Mart and the checkout lady. I was a mere innocent bystander and could do nothing to prevent the inevitable outcome but felt a pang of hurt nonetheless.
I watched as the checkout lady methodically scanned each item, and slowly milk, detergent and a six-pack of Miller Chill (good stuff, I assure you) moved toward their fate at the hands of this not-to-be-named checkout lady. What followed was difficult to watch and I will spare readers the details.
The gist of it involved broken hopes and dreams. This dream I speak of was to purchase alcohol on a day just like any other day, except not quite. It was Sunday. This means no Miller Chill. Sorry, lady behind me at Wal-Mart; I apologize on behalf of Starkville’s oblivious lawmakers.
So, why can’t alcohol be bought on Sundays? I don’t mean to assume too much, but I think the reason is religious. Unfortunately, it hasn’t occurred to whoever is in charge of Starkville that maybe not everyone is OK with forfeiting their right to purchase certain beverages on certain arbitrary days of the week because someone else’s book (which they think is really important) says that this arbitrary day is kept important by not buying this certain beverage. It’s all very backward.
I don’t mind what other people believe so long as it doesn’t infringe on my own rights.
Go ahead and believe in magic flying dinosaurs that can enchant Froot Loops to dance on your birthday, but those damn loops better let me buy what I want when I want. Just because you believe something is important doesn’t mean I do, too.
If we can all agree that this issue is indeed religious, then how come we don’t acknowledge other religions’ practices besides Christianity or Judaism? In that vein, it might be a good idea to mandate following the Five Pillars or maybe we should make it illegal to consume cows. I can’t imagine many Christians would be willing to forgo eating during Ramadan, so why would Christians think that non-believers are all right with following laws imposed on them?
I just don’t understand why every religion in the world wants to enforce their values on the rest of society. Is this because the separation of church and state went out of style? Is it no longer hip? The point is that our laws shouldn’t dictate how to live ones life. Instead, they should protect our rights.
So, in response to this unfair law, I will instantiate my own religion with its own arbitrary values that must be branded on the face of society in order to remain holy. It’s called dino-thology. It involves magic flying dinosaurs that think you must protect the sanctity of Thursday by not buying Froot Loops. We will have mass every week at the flagpole at midnight. And all of you heathens better not anger the gods with your filthy cereal eating.