The idea that left-leaning politicos should be labeled as “progressive” instead of “liberal” cracks me up.
I do not know how or when the word “liberal” was hijacked and turned into something terrible, but it’s a label I always have and probably will always embrace.
Let me rephrase that: I enjoy being associated with words like compassion, generosity and kindness. I also like the label because I’m not a big fan of perpetuating the status quo, but to each his own.
Enough about me, though. Let’s talk about you.
Tomorrow morning, after you roll out of bed and stumble into the kitchen for a cup of coffee, you should take the time to thank a liberal. Because of a tree-hugging hippie, you should be able to enjoy your morning drip without fear of pollutants that could enter your digestive tract via the percolated water and kill you before the end of the day.
Next, I would advise hopping into the shower, scrubbing down with your properly-labeled skin care and hair care products that line the sides of your tub and singing the praises of liberals everywhere.
Just think of it: some whiny, big-government liberal thought it was a good idea to force companies to list the ingredients in their products right where you, a consumer who may be allergic to one of the ingredients, can read. What a novel thought!
For breakfast, fry some bacon, make those eggs sunny-side up and bake buttermilk biscuits. In other words: create a meal that no vegan would touch with a 10-foot pole. Then go ahead and thank that vegan’s liberal friends for insisting regulations on the meat-packing, poultry and dairy industries that do a fair job of keeping you away from those food-borne pathogens the media is obsessed with.
If you make it out the door without crumbling in shame (having said that you “hate liberals” all of this time), then take a deep breath and form these words: “Thank you, pinko-communist liberals, for demanding that there be pollution-control standards enacted that allow me to leave my home without fear of developing black lung disease five steps from my front door.”
By the time that you make it onto campus (to better yourself by way of your state-subsidized education, mind you), you will probably have passed by an American flag. You might have felt a sense of patriotism wash over your body as you gazed upon the stars and stripes. I always thank a liberal when this happens to me because I doubt the king of England found the framers of the U.S. Constitution and our country’s forefathers to be conventional in their day.
While you are staring out your classroom window at the American flag, waiting on the weekend, give this a thought: it is because of those lazy unionized workers you will enjoy crazy liberal things like weekends, paid holidays, health care coverage, and a wage that will allow you to put food on the table, clothes on your back and a roof over your head once you enter the work force.
Also, if at some point you find yourself gone from the aforementioned job (*ahem* bad economy), you can relax knowing that some bleeding heart liberal fought for things like worker’s compensation and unemployment benefits that will continue to put food on your table, clothes on your back and a roof over your head even when you can’t do these things for yourself.
Consider all of this the next time you start saying things like “Liberals don’t have the foresight needed to lead the country” or “The right-wingers are the only ones who stand for the things that I believe in.”
Say what you want (it’s certainly your right), but at some point you should remember when some liberal nutjob said, “Hey, King George III, we don’t have to pay your stupid stamp tax, ’cause we’re making a country of our own.” This is purely speculation on my part, but I would say the person responsible for these words would probably characterize himself as “liberal and progressive” … whether you like it or not.