I’m not from around here. My accent is a little different. I pay for goods with pounds and pence. My wardrobe has only a few maroon and white shirts. I am from England, a country where football is played with a spherical ball over a 90-minute period between two teams of men who will fall over and play dead after minimal contact.
Yet, I’m not in England, and football here is a different beast. The ball is egg-shaped, one hour’s play is somehow crammed into 3 hours and the contact made me wince from the relative comfort and safety of the stands. During my time in America, I have attended three college games and feel able to comment on American football (as us Redcoats call it) with a childlike naivety.
Like every sport, the concept is simple, yet only dedicated fans really understand the tactics and subtle nuances in rules. My knowledge is improving, and I have ascertained the following. There is one man (the quarterback) who is excellent at throwing. He is the sort of person who shows off at parties by throwing various objects over buildings. There are a couple of guys who are good at running and catching. They are often utilized unless Mississippi State is playing Auburn. The rest of the team then enjoys a big cuddle with each other, taking this opportunity to whisper sweet nothings into each other’s ears, I imagine. There is then a group on the sidelines, larger than the cast of a Broadway musical, who are essentially glorified cheerleaders in charge of patting the bottoms of teammates who make a good play. I admit my knowledge is incomplete, but a true understanding will come with watching more than three games.
American football is derived from rugby and possesses the same athleticism, strong team ethic and selfless pursuit of victory, regardless of any personal injury that may be sustained. The dynamic, flowing element of rugby has been replaced for a lethargic, stuttering spectacle. I would suggest there is nothing more perfect in sport than a flowing team encompassing the length of the pitch. Get on YouTube and watch Gareth Edwards try for the Barbarians in the historic match against New Zealand in 1973. Tell me it’s not wonderful. This element of beauty could never be replicated in American football, where only certain players are comfortable possessing the ball. The hesitant nature of the sport is something I am not used to. For every five seconds’ action, there is a lull. There is enough action to get the heart going but not enough truly to excite.
However, the game is only a small part of the package and acts as a prologue to tailgating, which forms the main act of the day. Tailgating is a wonderful idea, effective in its simplicity and works on the following basis: people + food + beer X a common cause = fun!
I could see it taking off in England, if only our climate wasn’t so wretched. In some instances, it seems tailgating is more important than the game itself. Against SELA, there were so few fans sitting around me by the start of the fourth quarter, I felt like a leper and had to check that my limbs weren’t dropping off. This attitude puzzles me. Surely, if your team were winning handsomely, you would want to stay until the end to cheer them on? If only closely fought games are well-attended until the end, attendance seems like an obligation to the team rather than a choice.
American football is a sport that could only work in America. It is more of a spectacle than a sport, with cheerleaders backflipping mesmerically, the band beautifully choreographing “Thriller” and the players making comic book contact, it feels more like sports entertainment in the vein of the WWE. The showpiece event, the Super Bowl, was broadcast in 2006 to 232 countries worldwide, opening it up to a television audience of nearly one billion, yet only 151 million watched. The number of true fans is relatively few compared to the 603 million who watched the 2006 World Cup Final. The NFL held a game at Wembley Stadium between the Giants and the Dolphins in 2007, and although magnificently attended, it could not lead to a sustainable large-scale league.
American football is essentially a convoluted sport that relies on sensory overload to dress up a draining 3-hour spectator experience. It would never work in England, yet is justifiably loved here. American football intrigues and amuses me in equal measure. Nevertheless, I think I’m going to stick to cricket, a sensible and simple sport where a match can last five days and still end in a draw.
Dave King is a visiting British citizen. He can be contacted at [email protected].