Let’s go ahead and set the record straight. My stance on suicide is that I’m against it, staunchly. I have no tolerance for people who have committed suicide. I don’t want anything to do with them at that point, out of principle.
The liberals want you to believe that committing suicide is OK. I haven’t really studied up on Barack Obama or anything, but it’s my suspicion that he likely endorses suicide. And you can bet there aren’t any guard rails on that platform of his.
Considering all of these facts, I was quite surprised to hear that board members in ultra-liberal San Francisco had voted to install a suicide net under the famed Golden Gate Bridge. Apparently, about two dozen people fling themselves from the bridge each year. To put that in perspective, that is nearly two baker’s dozens of suicides per year. Astounding.
Anyway, I find this to be a very complicated subject. Although I am passionately anti-suicide, I have to question the effectiveness of a safety net. I mean, not the immediate effectiveness. I’m sure even those liberal idiots in San Francisco could construct a satisfactory net, woven tightly enough that jumpers won’t fall directly through.
What I am concerned about is the fact that those in the market for suicide will just find another vendor. Now, I’ve never committed suicide before, but I am aware of at least three other ways to do it that don’t involve jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. I will not list them here, however, because I don’t want to give you all any ideas.
The Golden Gate Bridge is perhaps the most popular suicide destination in the world. It isn’t unusual for people to travel long distances to San Francisco, just to experience the prime jumping conditions the bridge offers. Those in favor of the net, including Dr. Mel Blaustein, the president of the Psychiatric Foundation of Northern California, claim that it would temporarily prevent people from jumping, which would provide them with time to reconsider.
This is an optimistic theory but a flawed one. Going back to the market analogy, this would be what is called a highly involved purchase. These people are looking for a most flamboyant exit from existence, not your everyday, run-of-the-mill suicide. They’re going to shop around, and they’re going to do their research.
Eventually, it’s going to be common knowledge among suicidal people that the Golden Gate Bridge has gone out of business. For the same reason nobody ever craves a Surge soda anymore, the bridge will soon be forgotten entirely among suicidal people.
Then again, there is a really high rate of turnover in the suicide industry. So maybe those new to the market will continue to drive impulsively to the bridge only to get stopped by a net and an epiphany. We can only hope that’s the case.
All in all, the net isn’t a bad idea. It will certainly lower the number of suicides at the Golden Gate Bridge. That’s for sure. I guess this does make things a little easier for the workers and police who have to tend to the bridge. I know that I would hate to have to deal with suicide on such a regular basis. In fact, I think I’d rather kill myself.
Robert Scribner is a graduate student majoring in business administration. He can be contacted at [email protected].