This is what they call “hard- hitting journalism.” I’m not afraid to tell it like it is. I know I’m going to step on some toes with this, but if we’re being honest here (and I intend to be), I don’t really care because I recently did a background check of my own insta-history, and it turns out I have committed every insta-crime in the book.
Let’s just take a minute to really investigate what Instagram is all about. Instagram started out as a cool and different way for people to document special moments via snapshots and share them on social media. But no longer is it a harmless new way to keep a photo-journal. Like so many other social networks, Instagram has become yet another method of putting pressure on society to lead picture-perfect lives; lives that display what the Internet deems photogenic. This is exhausting. I should be able to drink a cup of coffee without wondering what it would look like behind an Instagram filter; I should be able to enjoy a night out with my friends without worrying if the notorious iPhone red-eye is going to show up on social networks; I should be able to read a book without feeling obligated to document it online in a desperate attempt to feel cultured. So, without further adieu, here are some things that, in my humble opinion, should remain off Instagram.
1. Food/coffee– We know how proud you are of your Pinterest-inspired treats, but there is no reason to turn Instagram into a food porn site. I don’t want to check Instagram after a nice long workout and be bombarded with pics of your hearty holiday meal or your tasty triple-chocolate brownies. That is cruel and unusual punishment, especially for those of us who burn water. Not to mention Instagramming your morning cup o’ joe. I’m pretty sure coffee has been dark and hot since its creation, and I’m pretty sure it will continue to be so until the apocalypse. It ain’t going nowhere.
2. Texts– So you’re having a rough week, and your parents are technologically advanced enough to master the art of composing an encouraging text message. Congratulations! But, it’s a text message. It’s private. Putting a filter on a “Good morning, beautiful” message from your boyfriend does not make it any less sickening. And if your parents wanted the entire world to know they are proud of you, they would have written it in the sky with an airplane or broadcast it on the Jumbotron.
3. Sunsets– This one is up for debate. As an out-of-stater, I will be bold enough to make the statement Starkville sunsets are among the loveliest I have seen. That being said, discretion must be used where sunset pictures are concerned. There is nothing more annoying than scrolling down the insta-feed and seeing 10 pictures of the same sunset through 10 different filters. So, sunsets are generally appropriate Instagram material but not in excess. Instagram at your own risk.
4. Throwback Thursday– You can ask anybody who knows me. Throwback Thursday is literally the bane of my existence. We don’t need an alliterated day of the week to celebrate how cute we were as children. Yes, that picture of you with your mom on your first day of kindergarten is adorable, and you did look beautiful at your senior prom, but, please, spare us the shameless self-promotion.
5. Feet– This one is like a bad Dr. Seuss story. One foot, two foot, red foot, blue foot. Feet in Chacos (which makes you granola), feet in oxfords (which makes you hip), feet in cowboy boots (which makes you Southern), bare feet (which makes you a free spirit). We all know what they look like. A filter doesn’t change the fact feet are feet are feet are feet.
6. Selfies– No. Just… No.