In you case you haven’t figured it out by now, I love to talk about sex. I don’t only like to talk about sex on these pages, though. Nay, I like to talk about sex everywhere and with everyone. One of my favorite things to do is discuss sex with my close girl friends. Girls, if you aren’t doing this, get to it. I feel so much closer with my friends after we spend an evening with several bottles of wine and the type of discussion that would surely make Rick Santorum blush.
A lot of men don’t know this and a lot of women won’t admit it, but the thing is women are just as sexual, if not even more, than men. I’ve heard girls discuss everything from blow job techniques to watching hardcore pornography. If you don’t believe me, I understand why. It’s hard for some people to believe women can be this way because traditionally women have gotten the short end of the sexual stick. (Please don’t take that as a pun.) When women get sexual, we get called words like “sluts” and “whores,” which are gendered slurs meant to belittle and demean a woman’s sense of self worth. In reality, the words mean little to nothing. Every woman I know has been called a slut at some point, even women who are virgins. The word has come to describe women who are too comfortable with themselves for men to feel okay with. And then there’s all the double standards.
Women get screwed every day, and not in the enjoyable way. Women are told we need to wear form-fitting and revealing clothing to attract men, but if we happen to be harassed, or even assaulted, we were obviously “asking for it.” Women’s bodies are exploited to bring companies billions of dollars, while society simultaneously shames women for expressing their sexuality.
The film “Blue Valentine” received an initial rating of NC-17 because of its “explicit” sexuality, namely a scene in which Michelle Williams receives consensual oral sex. This year, the film “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” received a mere R rating, despite a graphic rape scene.  Are we to believe that a woman receiving pleasure is somehow more offensive than a woman being forced to have sex? And the “American Pie” films all received R ratings, despite scenes depicting men committing sexual acts with some very famous pastries. That was just for laughs though, so it’s okay?
So, all of this is kind of obvious and if you really want to hear me talk about it some more, find me on any given day. But the question here is, how do all these double standards affect actual sex and relationships?
The shame attached to women’s bodies hinders the educational process needed to achieve good, quality sex. Sex education blatantly ignores the actual process of having sex, focusing instead on its dangers. No one teaches anyone how to use their bodies.
Now I don’t mean to belittle the male anatomy (trust me, I’m a fan!), but penises are pretty simple to figure out. They’re so simple in fact that most men have figured out how to use theirs by elementary school. Vaginas, on the other hand, are more complicated. With complications, though, come rewards. Vaginas have WAY more nerve endings than penises, and women have the ability for multiple orgasms, as well as different types of orgasms. Vaginas are amazing.
Often when talking to my girl friends, I discover many of us simply don’t know exactly how our vaginas work, and, therefore, we’re not enjoying sex as much as we could. The fact is, we’re trying to have sex like they do in the movies and that simply just doesn’t work. The majority of women can’t receive an orgasm from penetration alone. Also, women are much less likely to have an orgasm during sex than men. This doesn’t mean women don’t deserve orgasms though! This just means both parties need to be willing to work a little harder.
It saddens me to think about all the women missing out because they feel some sort of inherent shame attached to their sexuality. When two people choose to be intimate together, both parties should be equal opportunity lenders. Gentlemen, take your time down there. If you really care about a woman, you have to really care about her vagina, as well. And ladies, educate yourselves! Get down with yourself, figure out what you like and what you don’t, and don’t be afraid to talk about it. Enjoying sex, being sexual and talking about sex do not make a slut. (Mostly because there’s no such thing as a slut, duh.)
One of my main goals with this column has been to get people talking about sex, and I think it’s working. Talk about sex with your friends and with your partner, and be as open as you can. You’ll learn a lot of valuable lessons. You deserve to be happy, successful and satisfied (in bed). Only you know what you want, so go get it. Experiment, try new things, never feel ashamed and never shame anyone else.
If you have any questions, or you need someone to talk about sex with, as always, feel free to contact me. Until then, play it safe and play often.
Rachel Perkins is a senior majoring in English. She can be contacted at [email protected].