Early on a Wednesday morning, it has already begun.
Isabelle Taylor and her boyfriend, Zachary Simpson, were fighting at 8 a.m. on the Drill Field again.
Rather than expressing shock or terror, most onlookers watched silently as Simpson and Taylor screamed at each other.
“Are these two ever gonna give it up?” Questioned one student upon arriving at the scene, “This is a daily occurrence at this point.”
As the quotidian ritual continued, there was some stirring among the gathered students as this argument seemed to heat up out of nowhere.
Simpson began to elevate his already deafening voice as Taylor pointed out some perceived slight from the night before.
“Yikes,” one bystander said. “This one seems rougher than usual. These two might need to be separated.”
The Drill Field knew peace until two hours later, when the two repeat offenders were spotted together walking out the double doors of David C. Swalm School of Chemical Engineering.
“Christ almighty,” said a student walking out of the library, Einstein Bros. bagel in hand. “Please just let these two go home. They have said their piece. They have disrupted the vibes enough for one day.”
Much to everyone’s dismay, Simpson and Taylor had not finished disrupting the atmosphere of the Drill Field.
Before anyone could get in between the two lovers-slash-enemies, true horror set in as the pair began to make out in front of the aghast crowd.
An audible groan was heard from the spectators as it became apparent that this scene was not to end for some time.
A Stygian dread washed over the gathered mass when the couple knocked one another to the ground, like it was only the two of them in the whole world.
Several witnesses attempted to avert their gaze but to no avail. The sight they had seen would be burned into their eyes for eons it felt. A few witnesses later claimed they felt like throwing up.
One student, James Shaw, checked in to the Longest Student Health Center minutes after the crowd dispersed.
“I have seen things you people wouldn’t believe,” Shaw said, paying homage to the 1982 sci-fi classic “Blade Runner.”
Editor’s note: April Fools! All details, facts and figures in this Ye Deflector article were fabricated. Check back on Wednesday for your regularly scheduled content.