Q: My boyfriend has hit me three times over stupid arguments. I want to leave him and his abuse, but I love him and I just can’t bring myself to do it.
A: There is no justification for him hitting you. You and your guy both need to realize that it is illegal for him to hit or verbally abuse you, no excuses.
If you decide to leave him-which is what most people outside of your relationship are probably hoping-make sure you do it safely. You need to understand that you will love again. You are not bound in your relationship. Your boyfriend doesn’t have the power to make you stay.
Whether you have chosen to stay with him or leave, you need to decide if you are strong and willing enough to stick around and help stop his abusive behavior. Since you say you love him, you would naturally have the desire to help him so he doesn’t do the same thing to other people.
Just remember that many guys who are not bozos like your current boyfriend are out there. And, if and when you find the right man, he won’t hit you no matter how serious an argument gets.
If you’re in an abusive relationship and need help, please call the National Hopeline Network at 1-800-784-2433.
Q: My new girlfriend can’t kiss for the life of her. How can I tell her without offending her?
A: Your main quest should be to instruct your new girlfriend on how to kiss properly. Is she the slobber queen who doesn’t know how to passionately tease without drenching your face? Does she possess the timid tongue that doesn’t know how to explore your mouth’s boundaries? The worst is when your partner can’t just go with the flow and operate her mouth in sync with your own.
A suggestion might be to slow things down and ask her to mimic you. Kissing can be an affectionate way to get to know each other’s pleasure peaks. Maybe how she smooches you is how she wants to be smooched back. If her mouth needs a license for ‘tongues uncontrollable’ she could be telling you she wants to do more than just kiss.
Are you the first guy with whom she’s ever expressed physical emotion? If so, you could try and set up a romantic kissing lesson to ease her mind-candles, roses and red satin included.
But the first time you make her feel uncomfortable, forget about it. If she’s really shy about the way she kisses, only time will resolve her inhibited performances. She’s probably not even aware that you think she’s an introverted turtle or a hyper puppy every time you show her mouth-to-mouth affection.
If you give her the right clues, time and your mouth to practice on, she’ll eventually be able to make fireworks every time you’re ready for an action-packed make-out session. Then you can claim her as new and improved!
Crystal will answer readers’ questions. E-mail questions to [email protected]