With all the money coming back to the schools in the Southeastern Conference, athletic directors are licking their chops at how to spend the money.
I came up with a few suggestions:
LSU will add the money to the “Keep Nick Saban from going to the NFL” fund.
Georgia will pay Simon Cowell to go up to Knoxville and tell Tennessee how he feels about “Rocky Top.”
Florida will hire Judge Judy to settle the debate over whether they should keep or fire Ron Zook.
The Rebels will spend half on genetic cloning of Eli and half on bourboun in case the cloning doesn’t work.
Tennessee will fund subliminal messages on TV and radio that will convince America that “Rocky Top” and mac-n-cheese orange are not annoying.
Arkansas will save the money for legal defense in case Nolan Richardson finally finds a loophole in his termination.
Auburn will bribe its fans to attend one sport other than football at least once a calendar year.
Alabama will send the money to the legislature in exchange for the passing of a law to rename the state: ‘Bear Bryant.’
Carolina will cryogenically freeze Lou Holtz for when they finally make the big game.
Basketball, horse racing or bourbon production to facilitate Mississippi’s demands? Probably bourbon production to make more money for hoops.
The Commodores will give the money to philanthropy as a tax write-off. What’s a measly nine mil gonna do anyway?
State will increase The Reflecor’s sports travel budget and renegotiate a long-term deal with Craig Peters. A guy can hope can’t he?
Craig Peters can be reached at [email protected].