Q: I am a junior and have had only five serious boyfriends. I have recently met someone and we have a lot of fun together. We agree on important things but we maintain our opinions on others. He treats me with compassion and kindness. We have known each other for only three weeks but have already become a “couple.” He makes me feel wanted, loved and respected. Some times I feel like I am dreaming, like this is not happening to me. My question is, “Is it possible to fall in love with someone in such short of time?” Am I getting too ahead of myself here?
A: The possibility of love within weeks? Undoubtedly yes.
In general, I’ve noticed girls tend to get attached quicker in relationships, while guys tend to act more attached than they really are. That’s not necessarily what is happening here, but since your emotional health is at stake, it won’t hurt to be cautious.
While you may know how you feel about the relationship, you still need to get an idea of what his feelings are. It could be potentially disastrous to simply assume that he is as smitten by you as you are by him. I have rarely seen two people feel exactly the same about each other. Take a little break from the lovey-dovey sweet nothings conversation, and have a little bit of open and frank communication about where each of you stands. Be as honest as you can with him about how you feel, without making yourself vulnerable.
Once you’re a little clued in to how he feels, you can go about deciphering your own feelings. It’s the age old question, love or lust? Make sure you aren’t getting caught up in a fantasy. If you start fooling yourself into thinking a guy is perfect, you may start overlooking quirks and characteristics that will eventually drive you mad. One fail-safe indicator would be whether he puts the toilet seat down. Leaving it up doesn’t have to be an instant disqualification, but if he continually leaves it down, you just may have a winner. Some other positive indications to look for would be a mold-free fridge, porn-less video collection and a constantly available hand for you to hold.
You apparently know what to look for in a guy: someone who respects you and dotes on you like royalty. However, what kind of differences are there in your opinions? You have the rest of your life to make compromises with a mate, so don’t get started too early. There are certain philosophical and religious fundamental basics that shouldn’t be compromised on, so before things go too much further, I’d evaluate what can be worked out and what can’t be.
Finally, three weeks is kind of early to be ringing the wedding bells. Don’t get ahead of yourself or go psycho on the guy. There are few things that make a guy want to jump ship quicker than a woman getting all serious about long term commitments. You have to break the guy in gently to the idea. The slower and more gradual you make that process, the more successful you will be. Think of your guy as a Macintosh computer; you just have to trick it into doing what you really want it to do. In the meantime, enjoy what you have, and see where it takes you.