Q: I have been seeing someone for six months. So far he’s impressed me with his manners and respect. I know he’s being the perfect gentleman, but I’m getting antsy with his brief kisses and nothing more. I am definitely comfortable with being intimate with this guy, but I can’t just make it obvious because I’m afraid he’ll think that’s all I want. How do I tell him I want sex without making myself look like a sex-starved nympho?
A: As unprofessional as it sounds, I just don’t see how the ‘sex-starved nympho’ can be a negative thing. OK, maybe I can.
It looks to me like you’re discovering the hard way that us guys are victims to a horrible stereotype. Specifically, that guys think about nothing but sex. So maybe 99.99 percent of guys fall into that category, but that’s completely irrelevant. The fact is, the occasional oddball male exists who doesn’t literally jump at the chance of bouncing a bed up and down.
Unless the situation changes unexpectedly, I believe you are going to have to launch your own aggressive strike. Give him a while longer to get a little more comfortable around you, then as Emeril says, “Kick it up a notch.” Crank that oven up to 11, if you know what I mean.
Communication is of the utmost importance. Ask him what he wants to do and what he’s thinking. See if he is shy or has considered doing anything. Once you’ve put a little verbal communication out there, move on to the international language.
When you’re ready to make the move on him, consider wearing something a little out of the ordinary, just to get his attention. Allow me to suggest black leather. Also, Victoria’s Secret offers some very imaginative and provocative creations that really can’t even be classified as clothing. In this wonderful day of open minded society, anything you can dream up can be found for sale somewhere.
Then, start with the familiar, and previously traveled territory-kissing. If his kisses are too brief, by all means, grab his face in both hands and French kiss him like there’s no tomorrow. Hopefully, that will produce a positive reaction. If not, try telling him that you’re wanting something from him.
From there, see how willing he is to have his shirt unbuttoned or taken off all together. If the shirt comes off, it should be smooth sailing for you from there on out. However, your concern at coming off as too “easy” is a valid one. If you make such a move too early for him, he might wonder how many times you’ve done this in the past. So remember to take it easy if he isn’t warming up during the kissing stage.
He just might not be the affectionate type. If this is the case, and you won’t be able to do without moderate affection, you may want to consider looking for another guy. Just don’t give up too quickly on melting the ice. If you stick it out, don’t forget that the small things matter, too. When he’s withholding this much, if and when he grabs your hand or kisses you longer, it’ll mean more to you, since it’s such a rare thing.
On the serious side, do you really want sex, or do you just want assurance that he loves and cares for you? If it’s the second, which I truly think is what you’re looking for, don’t rush the sex. Sex without love is meaningless. People communicate love through many different and unique means, so it’s up to you to discover what method your man chooses. Be attentive; it could be things he does for you, things he says to you, etc. And as for the physical side, hang in there. If he shares your feelings, when the time is right, sparks will fly.