Q: I have been talking to someone for a few weeks, but I’ve already noticed something that bothers me. If I can’t meet him because I have class or work, he acts like he can’t live without me. But when I call him to see if he wants to do anything, he acts like he can’t be bothered. Every time I show him a little interest he pulls back, and the moment I can’t hang out he comes running back. Is there anything I can do short of dropping him?
A: Your man is playing the childish game of hard-to-get. Even though he secretly wants to spend time with you, he runs away when you make the moves. Your boyfriend wants to be the only one who wears the pants in the relationship. He wants to make all the shots and doesn’t let you get the chance to make any decisions.
Tell him that you have a life outside of him and that you have more than just a boyfriend. You have a job and class. Explain to him that you may be busy during the times that he isn’t. He shouldn’t assume that you have free time when he does.
It’s obvious that both your schedules clash. Sit down with your boyfriend and reach some sort of compromise. Make sure he knows your schedule and when you have free time to spend with him. Maybe your boyfriend’s problem is that he is clueless of your schedule and doesn’t know what time is best to spend with you. Agree on meeting times that are best for the both of you.
Has the thought occurred to you that your man may just be afraid of you having an interest in him? He might be afraid of commitment and of your growing feelings for him. He runs away when you begin to spark an interest in spending time with him on your own terms. Maybe he thinks it is not cool for a girl in the relationship to make suggestions. He might have treated his last girlfriend the same way.
Tell him that you don’t want to be the complete boss of the relationship. However, make sure that he knows you prefer a two-sided relationship, rather that a one-sided relationship. A relationship is between two people, not one person. I think that once you talk to him about this problem, he will eventually come to his senses and realize that this relationship can’t be all about him all the time.