Q: Recently my best friend’s girlfriend and I started having sex, unbeknownst to him. She comes into my room and teases me whenever he leaves the apartment, and I just give in. I’ve always thought she is hot and she’s someone I’d love to have as a girlfriend. He treats her like complete crap, but I’m stuck because I know that if he ever finds out about us, our friendship will be shot, and she and I will stop doing what we’re doing. I want to save her from her disastrous relationship and start dating her, so how do I do it without losing my best friend?
A: Have you ever heard the saying “bros before hoes?” You should start abiding by this phrase. Your best friend does not have the right to treat the girl of your dreams like garbage, but you don’t have the right to be her savior in bed-no matter how alluring she is.
Either way, you will undoubtedly lose one or both of these people in your life. You’ve already stepped over the line.
Why would you ever want a girl who does this to her current boyfriend, anyway? I can’t see you wishing you were in your buddy’s shoes right now. If you two got together, chances are she would treat you the same way she’s treating her boyfriend.
You shouldn’t be worrying about dating her. There’s no need to take her out to dinner; you’ve already gotten into her pants. Instead, you should be worrying about how you’re going to save yourself when your best friend finds out and wants to wear your skin as a coat.
It’s pointless to try and save their relationship. You don’t have a say in the matter, anyway. If things turn around for them, your responsibility is to turn around and walk away.
Don’t tell your best friend. Your Good Samaritan approach will not result in any good other than you appeasing your conscience.
It’s her decision whether to say anything to her boyfriend. You’re not the one who was unfaithful to him; you were just the cheap and tasteless friend. To save your best friend from an early heart attack, keep this to yourself.
Stop what you’re doing, take a cold shower and find your own girlfriend instead of borrowing your best friend’s.
Q: I met this guy at the beginning of the semester and we started talking. We hung out a few times and I think he’s a really great guy. He even told his friends that I was “a really cool girl.” One day he just quit calling. I can’t think of anything I have done to make him act like this. We never even kissed. Whenever I ask him about it, he just changes the subject. Now, I talk to him about once a week. We are good friends and I can deal with that, but I would like to know why he just quit talking to me. I know he doesn’t have a girlfriend, so any suggestions on what to say to him?
A: The solution in this situation may not be what to say, but what to do.
Guys rarely enjoy phone conversations unless someone on the other line is telling them they’ve just won something. Judging how he feels on how much he calls may not be the right way to look at it.
Then again, whether a guy likes the phone or not, they are usually smart enough (or should be) to know that girls absolutely die when they receive phone calls from their crushes. A sharp decline in his interest for dialing your digits may mean he honestly had a slight decrease in interest for you.
Don’t take this harshly. Maybe the fact that you guys never kissed when you used to hang led him to believe nothing was there, or that you didn’t like him.
This could have temporarily hurt his ego, driving him to look for someone who will give it up for him on the first date.
Unfortunately for you, he could have also realized he likes you more as a friend. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, however.
Most couples start out as friends, anyway. Maybe it just takes him longer to confess that he has had a crush on you and just hasn’t had the guts to speak up.
If he does have some hidden feelings for you, the following almost always works: When you’re around him, casually mention that you want him to approve of or meet a new guy you’re going on a date with-since he’s such a great friend.
It will force him to face the fact that if he’s not willing to make a move, or do something simple like call you, he’s going to have to watch you connect with someone else right in front of him. (Just make sure you really do at least have a fake date set up, or, even better, a real one.)
If you’re more of a pursuer than a schemer, whenever you bring up his not calling again, don’t back down. If he tries to change the subject, keep referring to what you said.
If he doesn’t turn around soon, you may be out of luck. That’s when you need to start looking for alternatives.
Expand your horizons when it comes to flakes like this guy. If you obsess over him not calling you, it will just frustrate you. Focus on simply having fun, possibly with other friends, and being you. If this schmuck doesn’t come along in good time, someone else will.
Crystal will answer readers’ questions. E-mail them to [email protected].