“They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever.”
This quote from Oscar Wilde’s “The Picture of Dorian Gray” stresses a situation that is quite common in many relationships.
When we enter relationships, we often award these relationships an extended period of time in our minds. Wishful thinking and our own good intentions create a long-term commitment that may end up being nothing more than a temporary thought. For many, these thoughts dissipate with time, until thinking seriously about the future becomes reasonable or, in less fortunate circumstances, the relationship meets its end. For others, the thoughts intensify to the point that they begin using the “f” word: forever.
Sometimes, it slips. During particularly euphoric moments, we tend to say things that we mean at the time, but may not be able to stand behind 100 percent in other situations. While it may be true that we would like to have certain moments last forever, we eventually have to realize that this is impossible because nothing lasts forever.
Many people are already scared of the word forever because it implies eternal commitment, which is a thought that can be terribly frightening. It is difficult for anyone to fathom the idea of a never-ending chapter in life. We tend to expect clear endings to most aspects of our lives, so the inability to see an ending can boggle one’s mind.
Of course, there are some people who thrive upon the hope that forever is real. They long to hear the word spoken because they find comfort in the idea of forever. What they don’t realize, however, is that believing so firmly in the concept only makes them incredibly vulnerable to getting hurt.
Furthermore, when people introduce the thoughts of forever in their relationships, they take a huge risk in scaring away their partners because their companions could very well be the type that cringe at the thought.
Aside from being frightened of the idea or frightening others with it, forever can have a negative effect on relationships very similar to that of “what if.” When a proponent of the concept enters a relationship seeking to prove that forever exists, he or she is likely to become consumed in the search for a false concept.
When we try to make something last, we spend so much energy working toward the future that we lose touch with the present. When we lose our grip, we unknowingly sacrifice the future that could be. In order to build upon the present, we have to work to make the present a pleasurable experience. We have to invest our time and energy in today so that tomorrow can happen as a result of today.
Forever cannot be captured, so there is no reason to waste our time chasing it. If it has any hope of being a reality, it lies in the manner that it comes about. There must not be a pursuit of forever; instead it must be allowed to happen on its own. The only way to understand the concept is to never try to understand it in the first place.
Don’t ruin relationships by trying to make them last forever. Enjoy today and prepare for tomorrow, but do not attempt eternity. You can live life quite happily without worrying about how happy you will be in the future. As long as you’re making each day meaningful, you’re likely to find a pleasant future.
Michael Robert is a sophomore studying biological sciences. He can be contacted at [email protected].