Road wars. At one time, these legendary battles were only plots for low-budget B-movies. Now, they are a part of everyday life here at MSU. Every day I am forced to leave my apartment, about five blocks from the edge of campus, at least 30 minutes before class. However, before last week, the same drive took only seven minutes, 10 in bad traffic.
Taking into account the students I have observed arriving frustrated and late to class, I suspect I am not the only student suffering from the battle to get to class.
And why exactly is it that students are having a harder time than usual getting to class? First, let’s examine the process of actually driving to class. Since apparently students here are incapable of properly navigating a four-way stop, police officers have been recruited to direct traffic.
Sounds like a great plan, right? Well, it would be if it didn’t actually take longer. Here’s a thought. What if MSU instituted a policy that students had to take a driver’s test before being allowed to bring their cars on campus? If the intricate workings of a four-way stop are too complex, that student simply should not be allowed to drive to class.
I thought the idea behind getting rid of Malfunction Junction was to make driving on campus easier and faster. But recently, I have found myself longing for those days of Malfunction Junction. At least then I had hope of the line moving before my car decided to drop dead from exhaustion.
The actual act of driving a car on campus is not even the worst part, though. The real battle royal doesn’t start until you pull into one of the various parking lots. Take the East Zone lots next to McComas Hall, for example. Students rejoiced in the spring when one of these lots was finally paved.
However, the number of parking spots was diminished by the space taken up by medians added in between the lanes.
The gravel lots, and even the grassy area next to them, have become free-for-alls. Even basic courtesy has been lost in these forsaken areas where only chaos reigns. Drivers stalk pedestrians like wounded wildebeest hoping to be led to a soon-to-be available parking spot. And let’s face it, that may be the only shot of getting to class on time.
The moment we turn into a parking lot on campus, we seem to stop being calm, logical humans and turn into drivers on “Death Race 2000.” Some students apparently don’t comprehend that two large vehicles can’t pass side by side when the gravel lot has overflowed, and cars are crammed into any and every available space.
Take a look at the gravel parking lot across the street from McComas some morning. It gives the impression that the Black Plague struck MSU, and students abandoned ship, leaving cars parked without rhyme or reason.
But fellow students, take heart. For the low price of a parking sticker, we get the privilege of taking a bonus class this semester-Road Wars 1001.