Back in the day when I had never experienced a serious relationship, I would witness my friends in love and never really understand their neuroticism. I remember one particular day in the ninth grade helping a friend go through a rough breakup. (Though young, these cats were practically married.)
I invited her over to lay out and get her mind off things. The entire time I just floated on my blue mat in the heat and listened to my friend sob that her life was over. After that, she didn’t want to do anything for a while.
This baffled me. How could she have let someone else affect her desire to live?
Simple. After experiencing firsthand, I quickly created a rationale of love: It isn’t just a state of mind or a single disposable emotion. It is every emotion we have wrapped in one powerful feeling.
It’s comparable to a drug, addicting with affects of euphoria and wearing off to reveal dependency.
When a separation from a love occurs, it’s as if a part of you was unfairly taken. And the only person left to carry on your life is you.
I think Cher put it in perspective for us. “Do you believe in life after love?” she sang.
A tough question, but, yes, I believe there is-partially because I’ve seen people live beyond it and mainly because I don’t believe in pre-destination or a single soul mate.
I think that is where the term “there are plenty of fish in the sea” derives. You never know with whom you can connect if you don’t meet them. And what are your chances of meeting all the million compatibles across the globe?
So be sad, but only because someone you care about won’t be as close to you anymore. (Sadness is a natural emotion, don’t be scared to embrace it.) Don’t be sad because you think that was your only chance at real love.
I’m not going to pretend to be untouchable and say that love isn’t a big deal and is easy to rebound from. Or that finding someone or something new to fill the void is a walk in the park.
It takes work and a lot of strength. And our best friends become time and a new hobby.
However, the longer a relationship, the more difficult it is to walk away from. And time to heal is a little longer than expected. Most of us have been there. We are left wondering what the heck to do next.
On that note, think about this: if someone sucker punched you, would you take it, or fight back? Would fighting back consist of proving your strength and ability to take care of yourself?
This is a similar scenario for a break up from a long-term relationship. It feels like a sucker punch, a cheap shot out of the blue. But if handled the right way, only strength and a whole new level of respect from others and for yourself will emerge.
Every experience in life is designed to teach us something, even the ones that seem to be breaking us down.
Unfortunately, one of the human conditions is that we see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. This is simply to protect us from things that will hurt. A breakup can help you realize a lot about yourself and throw away the rose-colored glasses.
As far as your life ‘ending’ because of a devastating break up, you’re partially right. But it’s just a single chapter of your life, not the entire book. I don’t know about you, but I would be anxious to read the next chapter. You never know what can happen with a turn of the page.
Lauren is a senior communication major. She can be reached at [email protected].