Congratulations! You have survived the first week of the spring semester. Where did the time go? It seemed like it was just days ago that it all began.
The new semester brings forth many things that make me tingly in my no-no zone: fresh school supplies from Walmart, a new set of textbooks to use as coasters and a whole new crop of classmates to Facebook stalk. But as my many lovers would tell you, even the most satisfying experiences have moments of disappointment. The first week of the semester is no different.
Even with all the bliss, to some students, these first classes bring about incredibly unique questions and odd behavior. First class meetings are typically dedicated to overviews and introductions. While questions are always welcome from students, there appears to be a shortage of intelligent ones. Below are just a few examples of first day questions that make me want to locate the nearest bridge:
“Are we going to be here the entire time?”
I am sorry, but is there some place else you need to be? By the looks of your sweatshirt/scarf combo, I can tell you’re probably off to Milan for fashion week, so please feel free to duck out early. Nothing makes a better first impression than saying to your professor, “Let’s wrap this up, because I already dread seeing your face.”
“How many questions are on your exams?”
This question has never made sense to ask on the inaugural day. Are you really going to remember if there are five short answer, 20 multiple choice, 10 true/false and three essay? Probably not, so stop wasting our time. Chances are the professor has no idea either since we just met five minutes ago.
“Do we need the book?”
I get it, textbooks are expensive and we are poor, but how many professors do you know have said, “Reading is overrated, let’s just come to class and hang out?” The textbooks are supposed to be the basis for the lecture. Do you read every chapter that is assigned? Of course not, but you typically need the book for a better understanding of the material so bite the bullet and get it. I am sorry you can’t buy that new Lil’ Wayne album, but when buy-back rolls around, you’ll be able to get some gum with the $2 Barnes & Noble offered you.
In addition to these questions, a few of your classmates will stand out and become type casted for the rest of the semester. This takes place during the dreaded introductory portion of the first class meeting. Their descriptions are below:
The over-sharer:
We have all greeted the class with our 10 second speech providing our name, classification and major, but there’s always one person who turns this into autobiography time. While it may interest your mother that you started as an education major, switched to dairy science and now are in photography, I was hoping you would address why you’re wearing pajama jeans. Also, let’s leave the death of any family member out of introductions; we’re not in the mood for pity.
The tasty one:
While we may dread hearing about the life of Ned the pig farmer from Saltillo, there is always one classmate we could listen to all day. The “tasty one” looks like he or she just walked off a calendar shoot and is in the need of a serious massage. This is the one particular time that introduction day is needed because you get to learn his or her name so you can stalk. While this student will probably decrease in attractiveness throughout the semester due to the Skoal ring you see on day two or how she decides to put less effort into her appearance as the semester progresses, your first day crush will always have a special place in your lust-filled heart.
The couple:
You can always pick out this duo the second you walk into the classroom. They are typically holding hands even though they are in separate rows and they keep bringing up their love for one another in over-the-top ways. “I love you snooky bear.” Typically, it is the female that makes sure everyone knows she has her man on lock, while the guy rolls his eyes because he is in another classical literature class that doesn’t even count toward his degree. But they are together, and that is all that matters. Enjoy the shotgun wedding.
As we look to week two, I ask everyone to have patience with those who ask these questions and portray such behaviors. Unless it is the tasty one, he or she can do whatever they want to us. But remember, we have a limited number of first days left at this university, so cherish the awkward and continue to loathe those who create these moments. It’s healthy for us to want to slap someone, as long as we do not actually do it. Good luck.
Patrick Young is a graduate student in public policy and administration. He can be contacted at opinion@reflector.msstate.edu.
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First week questions provide entertainment
Patrick Young
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January 13, 2012
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