Clonaid has recently announced the first cloning of a human being. However, they have refused to allow outside sources to verify that their claim is legitimate. Clonaid has connections to the Raelian religious sect, who believe, among other things, that human life was originally created by extraterrestrials who cloned their own DNA.
While I believe that there are several holes in their theories, I will not address those. Rather, I want to talk about the possibilities that cloning opens up for society.
The first question cloning raises is “Who gets cloned?” I think the first person who should be cloned is Mel Gibson. Think of how much more attractive the world would be if there were several Mels walking around. I would sign up now to receive my personal Mel clone-for shirtless house cleaning purposes, of course.
Second, I think we should clone country singer Toby Keith. See the reasons listed above, and yes, I will be signing up for a Toby as well, considering my need to have music available 24 hours a day.
With the addition of two more men in my house, I would next need to clone my mother. First, I believe that my mother is the world’s greatest housekeeper, and with three men in my house, I’m definitely going to need help with the cleaning. I realize that I’ve cloned Mel for housekeeping purposes, but after all, he is a man, and get real, he’s Mel Gibson-I doubt he’s ever cleaned a toilet. Besides, I think that everyone should have a mother as great as mine.
Some of you may be asking if I get Toby and Mel, shouldn’t my husband get a couple of clones of his own-say Winona Ryder or Neve Campbell? I say no. Why does he need any other women when he’s got me? Also, if my husband even thought of bringing another woman in my house, he would cease breathing.
Sound like a double standard? Bear in mind that this is my article. Besides, I’m thinking that between Tony, Toby and Mel, surely someone will take out the garbage and listen to me when I’m talking to them during SportsCenter.
There are also several professors at MSU that I would like to see cloned, including Bob Arnett, Hank Flick and Glenn Kuehn. Maybe then I could get in some of those classes that are always full the first day of registration.
Now that we have covered who we should clone, let’s talk about who we should not clone. While there are several obvious choices, including Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Ladan, Fran Drescher or Jennifer Lopez, I would like to mention some less obvious non-candidates.
A definite no-clone would have to be the salesperson at the mall who looks down his/her nose at you while intoning, “I’m sorry, we don’t have that in your size.” Next would be that person that also seems to get in front of you when you’re running late for class and wants to let out every car in the parking lot while you sit behind them and scream at them to go on.
Along those same lines, if it were possible, I would like to de-clone (do away with completely) the people who wonder through crosswalks while talking on their cell phones and totally disregarding me gunning my engine while they chat with whomever. I also would like to recommend a permanent ban on cloning anyone with the last name Manning.
Before any of my cloning suggestions are enacted, I would like to see further research done on the process because I believe there are several unsuccessful attempts walking among us today. Either Al Gore is a bad clone or a robot of some sort because no human being could be that boring. Then there is Michael Jackson. Do I really need to explain that one?
Finally, once the process is perfected, I would also like a few clones of myself. Maybe then I could get all my backed-up housework done, all my studying done and take my dream vacation to Jamaica-with Mel and Toby, of course.
[Writer’s note: This article was written with permission and approval of my husband. He was not offended or harmed in the production of this article.]
Margaret Odom is a junior communication major.