Not too long ago, in one of my classes, the topic of the day was human development, and we were discussing reflexes. The lecture covered things like the rooting and grasping reflexes. These, of course, are two of the reflexes that humans have from birth that help ensure our survival as infants. Several others were discussed during the lecture, but I think one was overlooked. The reflexes mentioned above are useful only during infancy and are lost soon thereafter. In order to survive as adults, we have to develop new reflexes, one of which has saved my life on more than one occasion. This reflex doesn’t actually have a name, and at present, I am having trouble coming up with a proper title for it. For now, let’s just call it the mind-to-mouth filter reflex, or MMFR.
Confused? Don’t be, it’s really very simple. A stimulus is presented to your brain-for example, you notice someone who obviously needs to take the stairs waiting in line for the elevator. Your brain (if it’s anything like mine) reacts to the stimulus by thinking of some mean and cutting remark. Now, here’s where MMFR comes in. Before that thought exits your body through your mouth, MMFR makes use of other stimuli taken in by your brain, like the fact that this person is three times your size, and filters out that sarcastic comment before it takes the form of actual words. This significantly decreases the odds that an angry, overweight person will hold your head between the doors of the elevator while repeatedly pushing the open and close buttons. My MMFR has saved me from numerous painful and humiliating situations like this, but it almost failed me the other day in the Wal-Mart parking lot.
I don’t have many pet peeves, but one I do have is laziness. I don’t know if it comes from my upbringing or my years in the military, but I absolutely cannot abide a lazy person. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I don’t really think badly of anyone who takes the elevator instead of the stairs. For all I know, they could be injured or unable to use the stairs for some other reason. Likewise, I don’t look down on all the people who had someone drive them to class, rather than walk. I have run late before, and I have had someone drop me off at class. However, there is no excuse for leaving a grocery cart in the middle of the Wal-Mart parking lot when there are about a zillion cart return stations conveniently set up throughout the area. This is the very epitome of sorriness and laziness, and I have no respect and very little use for people who can’t walk the 10 extra feet to the cart return.
Now, without further adieu, here’s my story. I was in the Wal-Mart parking lot. I had just finished loading groceries into my trunk and was about to take my cart to the return when I noticed a middle-age woman putting the last of her bags into a large minivan.
Once she finished loading her groceries, she pushed her cart into the empty parking spot beside her and began to get into her vehicle, fully intending to leave the cart where it was. I was instantly enraged at this display of utter worthlessness and surged forward with my cart, a dozen sarcastic and rude comments forming in my mind, all about to bypass the filter and exit my mouth.
“Ma’am…” I started. (I may be sarcastic, but I’m still somewhat polite). Just then, her husband walked up. Big doesn’t begin to describe him. Maybe they needed that oversized vehicle for the sole reason that it was the only thing he would fit into. I was sure that I’d seen him somewhere before, but it wasn’t until afterward that I remembered where. His picture had been on a chart in an old biology textbook of mine, somewhere between the sketches of Java man and Cro-Magnon man. My MMFR, surging with this new sensory input, finally kicked into gear, and,1/4 without a pause, I finished my comment. “… I couldn’t help but notice that your left rear tire is a bit low. I’d put some air in it if I were you.”
It was almost too late on that occasion, but once again, MMFR saved my life.