Parents—orientation is a big deal. You have spent years cheering your children through high school and getting them to this point, and now you are standing on the campus that will be their home in a few months. Of course, you have hundreds of questions. Of course, you want to make sure everything is right.
But I am asking you, as someone who has worked orientation tables and admissions events, to let your student take the lead.
As an ambassador for my academic college, I cannot keep count of how many times a parent has walked up to the table and asked me a detailed question about majors or housing or student life. I find myself looking past them to their student, who is standing behind them, head down, hands in pockets, waiting for the conversation to end.
Orientation is for the students. It is one of the first real opportunities they have to step into this new role as a college student. It is where they start figuring out how to ask questions, advocate for themselves and live in a place that may be far from home.
From the time I could talk, my parents pushed me to handle things on my own. My earliest memories of the dentist were of my mom making me talk to the receptionist to check in for my appointment. My middle school days were littered with phone calls to the doctor, where I had to set up my own appointments. It was uncomfortable at the time, but now, I realize how much it helped.
By the time I got to college, I was not afraid to ask questions or advocate for myself. I knew how to walk up to a table, introduce myself and ask the questions I needed to get the information I needed. That confidence did not just appear overnight. It came from years of small, uncomfortable moments when I was required to speak for myself.
When parents step in and take over at orientations, even with the best intentions, they take away one of those practice moments.
Let them ask the question, introduce themselves and be the ones who engage with students, speakers and tablers. The truth is, no one will do that for them once the semester starts.
Students will need to email professors, talk to advisors, figure out schedules and solve problems on their own. Orientation is the safest place for them to start practicing these skills. It is low-stakes and expected.
However, that does not mean parents should disappear from the process. By all means, your questions and concerns are valid. Students need people in their corner who care enough to show up, listen and help them through big decisions. But there is a difference between supporting them and speaking for them.
During orientation, get excited about the campus your student is about to call home. Ask your questions and take notes. However, when you approach a table, pause for a moment. Let your student go first.
The most helpful thing a parent can do is to step back so their student can step forward.
