What happened to sincerity?
Anyone who has been playing the relationship game lately knows exactly why I bother to ask such a question. People have become so immersed in their own selfish needs that they are stooping to new levels to get what they want, regardless of whom they hurt in the process.
Insincerity appears often when two people who aren’t looking for the same thing come together. One may be seeking friendship with a little fun on the side, yet the other is ready for a relationship. Instead of confronting this issue with an honest face, our pleasure-seeker dives into this new pseudo-friendship and reaps the benefits of the game, leaving the other thinking that the future is looking bright.
After all, if your new companion shows an intense interest in you, he must be hoping to kindle something real.
Of course, when the passion disappears the next morning, reality sets in and our victim of hedonism is found somewhat broken-hearted, not because of lost love, but because of embarrassment, lost self-respect and the violation of trust. No one wants to be treated like an object or be caught up in some kind of game.
You end up blaming yourself for being na?ve, or maybe you’re searching through your own faults, neither of which is a good method of recovering from embarrassment of the heart. Anger is appropriate, although it never really solves the problem. So, what is the best method of recovery? Confrontation.
It’s not easy. It’s not fun. But it will make you feel better.
Now, what about the pleasure-seeker? What should be done to keep this from happening in the first place? The keys to avoiding the ups and downs of the emotional roller coaster are honesty, self-control and patience.
We’ve talked about honesty before. It is one of the ropes that help fasten a relationship. When two people meet, and non-platonic pursuits become part of the picture, it’s time to talk. If you think your new companion might be as interested in a relationship as you are, let them know before anything happens. Don’t find yourself lying in a bed one morning wondering if the person beside you is going to come back.
Of most importance to this topic might be self-control. Don’t let anything happen that doesn’t need to happen. If you’re hoping for a new partner and there hasn’t been a talk about what’s to come, don’t let him or her go any further than a courteous date would. Don’t put yourself in a position to be hurt. As much as you may enjoy the beginning, you have to remember what the potential outcome of the situation is.
Patience is a virtue. Yes, this may be a ridiculously overused clich?, but it holds true to this topic. You have to get through all of the bad if you want to get to the good. You may have to bruise a few egos and calm your yearning heart (among other things), but if you’re patient, you’re more likely to find the person you’ve been searching for.
And for those of you who think it’s perfectly fine to run around playing with others’ minds so you can get your rocks off: You might want to guard your back; Karma’s been watching you.
Michael Robert is a sophomore studying mathematics. Send your relationship comments and questions to [email protected].