School. Family. Relationships. Finances. Life. As some of us may know, these could all be factors leading to depression. How exactly does one overcome depression? There are several different ways but I can only speak from experience. Here is my story on how I overcame depression.
Firstly, I am a sophomore here at Mississippi State University. For as long as I can remember, I have always been a pretty positive and upbeat person. However, I did not enter my sophomore year in college alone. Hovering above my head was a huge, dark cloud eager to join me. I suddenly began noticing a change in my behavior. My room became my sanctuary and sleep became my best friend. I stayed in my room for about thirty days, doing nothing but sleeping. The girl that once was so lively suddenly became a recluse. What about school? I completely lost all of my motivation and had no urge to attend classes. That says an enormous amount for a girl with a 3.8 GPA. School was literally my life before depression took over.
Not only did I feel hopeless and worthless, I also felt alone. I eventually stopped getting on social media, which is definitely unlike me. Often times, I found myself fighting thoughts of suicide. ­­ I did not feel alive. One night, on Oct. 9 to be exact, I thought I reached my breaking point with life. From relationships to life in general, everything was entirely too overwhelming and I could not take it anymore. I felt as if I could not grasp life anymore, so I figured it was time to end it. Going to work was the last thing that I wanted to do the next day. I made sure that I grabbed my pill bottle, however. Three hours before I was scheduled to leave work, I took my first pill. Leaving work around 10 p.m., I took another pill. Before getting in the shower at around 11 p.m., I took my third pill. I wanted to sleep, endlessly.
Later that night, I was tempted to continue taking the pills because the noise level in my household was not desirable. Had my roommate not walked into my bedroom and saw the pill bottle, I may not be here to tell this story. I thought I would never be okay again. I had never felt so low in my entire life. The only thing I wanted was to have my normal self back. The Counseling Services at school ultimately became my best friend ­­as they did everything in their power to make sure I was okay. It is always great to know someone cares.
However, after all of the pretending and fake smiles, I was still not OK. I would often times find myself crying nonstop because I never pictured my life to be that horrible.  Eventually, I had enough of depression taking over me. It was time to go out and find myself again! A single phone call proved my theory to be wrong. I received a phone call from my best friend and I suspected she would ask me to go out with her. In the state I had been in, I was eager to say “yes!” Oh, how I was wrong. She asked me had anyone “talked to me today.” I am not sure what type of question that was but I had no clue how to answer it. I told her no and she responded by saying, “okay, I will tell you when I get home.” At that moment, I was anxious. She would not tell me, so I asked her should I be worried. Silence. “Should I be worried?” No response. “Courtney, your ex was in a car accident, and he died.” At that moment, my heart dropped and the only thing I could say was “no.” I felt as if I had lost half of me filled with devastation and sorrow. How could I possibly deal with death and depression? Things were extremely hard.
Once it was time for the funeral, I asked myself would I be OK. Saying goodbye is usually hard but I looked forward to this one. ­­ Life would not be complete without seeing him one last time. Would losing him make my depression one-hundred times worse?
Long story short, I overcame my depression the complete opposite way anyone would expect. Seeing him resting peacefully in his coffin made me feel a sense of rejuvenation. He looked absolutely perfect and I know he would not want me to be sad at all. I had to lose someone very close to me to realize life is too short to be depressed. Just live. Everything will be okay in the end. If it is not OK, it is definitely not the end. Remember this: Tough times do not always last, tough people do. Breathe easy, MJ.