Q: I have been seeing someone special for a while now, and last week he hinted that he would like to make it official and become my boyfriend. The problem is that I recently discovered his hidden porn collection. I understand that most guys watch porn, but he has so many. A relationship with this guy is what I thought I wanted, and still think I do. But now I’m afraid that he’s been keeping another side hidden from me. What if he’s a secret pervert? What if he wants me to do some of the things in those videos?
A: Calm down! You shouldn’t get so mad at your boyfriend over this. The person you should be mad at the most is Hugh Heffner contributing to the delinquency of your boyfriend. You should realize that it’s common for guys to look at porn, and it shouldn’t be surprising to you that your boyfriend is one of those guys who enjoy the advantages of having a “picture-perfect” model to look at anytime. Your boyfriend is a guy, right?
Don’t think that those porn queens are the only girls of your man’s affection. He obviously sees a lot in you, because you are the real thing to him. You are a 3-D model of perfection, rather than the 2-D airbrushed model that he will never get the chance to touch or meet in person, unless he attends a porn-star convention in Las Vegas.
Most of the girls in those magazines have had plastic surgery or other alterations to their bodies and appearance. You have an advantage over those girls because you are unique and perfect in your boyfriend’s eyes.
You should also keep in mind that just because a guy looks at porn doesn’t mean that he will cheat on you. A guy is far more unlikely to even check out another girl because it’s so easy to go home and flip a few pages around. Another reason that they do not want a porn star girlfriend is because that’s definitely not someone they can take home to meet their mothers.
To answer your questions more clearly, be straightforward with your boyfriend and ask him what he gets out of looking at porn. Don’t automatically assume that he is a pervert. He will most likely tell you why he enjoys that type of entertainment. Most guys are not ashamed of it.
This issue is common with guys. Give him a chance to explain himself. Ask him if he needs porn to make him happy. Another suggestion is to ask him if you can help him with some of his mental fantasies. Maybe you helping him will decrease his frequent activity involving porn.
Make sure he knows that even though you are willing to help him out, you are not willing to star in a porn of your own with him or with anyone else.
After he explains himself, tell him how you feel. Tell him that it makes you uncomfortable, that you will never look like those models and that he should accept who you are. He probably already realizes this fact and loves you for being your unique self. Your problem is no big deal, as long as his porn habit doesn’t come between you two.