Q: A few weeks ago my boyfriend wanted to go to a football game at another school. I wasn’t able to make it, so I told him to just go with his friends.
Well, I found out that he neglected to tell me an ex of his would be riding with “the guys” to the game. I trust him, but still think that he should have told me she was going, and the fact that he didn’t makes me worried. Should I confront him about this or just let it go?
A: You should definitely confront him about this. If you let this go, it will drive you crazy. Don’t try to be a detective, because you just might assume the wrong thing and ruin your valuable relationship with your boyfriend.
To get rid of that feeling that is in the back of your mind, simply ask him flat out about it. Ask him why he felt that he had to hide that bit of information from you. Try not to sound accusing when you ask him what’s going on. Give him a chance to explain. It’s possible that he didn’t know she was coming along. He might have not found out about his unwelcome tag-a-long until the day of the trip. He may have thought that it benefited you by not telling that his ex was along for the ride.
He could have thought that you didn’t need anything to worry about, since it was not a big deal to him to begin with. But be sure, my friend, to tell him that you didn’t benefit from it at all. Tell him that it bothered you when he “accidentally” left that tidbit of info out of the picture. Don’t be afraid to express your thoughts and concerns, because I am sure that he would have confronted you, too, if he was in your situation.
Obviously there are trust issues involved in the relationship, since you are concerned about his ex-girlfriend spending the weekend with him and the “guys.” Trust issues are pretty normal when it comes to something like this. Just make sure you deal with them now, before they become a major ordeal.
Another thing to think about is that maybe his ex isn’t over him completely. Maybe she is still trying to hold on to him, in some way. She found out that you weren’t going, so it’s possible that she thought she would take your place. Maybe she thought she could get back something of hers that’s not hers anymore. It may not be wise for you to confront her, but ask your boyfriend how he reacted and what he thought about her going along for the ride. This would also be a good opportunity to ask him what he thinks about his ex. You can tell by his answer whether or not he still feels some connection with her.
If it were my guess, I would say that there is nothing there. You obviously mean a lot to him, or he would not have invited you along to begin with. I am sure that this is no big deal and it just may be a minor bump in the road for your relationship. Speed past this speed bump and be quick to forgive and forget.