I want to discuss the latest over-hyped affliction to strike the unsuspecting people of the grand ole U.S.A. I can remember a time when a mosquito bite was more of a nuisance than a reason to scream “West Nile virus” and dive face-first into a barbecue grill to save yourself from certain agonizingly painful death. Boy, those were the days. Now, things are different. I can’t even walk down the street and yell at people anymore because of the mosquito sprayer trucks passing by every 4.3 seconds. However, the fear doesn’t end there. Woe be unto anyone who finds a dead crow lying in the street.
Upon finding a dead bird, you should go ahead and get your will and final testament ready because you’re facing imminent demise. To avoid certain death, everyone needs to stay indoors and watch television coverage of the West Nile virus. Or, better yet, maybe we should go out and buy all available mosquito repellants. After noticing a few things on the Internet, that makes a lot of sense.
If you ever get bored, go to Yahoo! and search for “West Nile virus.” After receiving the search results, pay close attention to the top part of the page. Just underneath the “Yahoo Category” pages, there is a “Sponsor Matches” section with three Web sites listed. Now that is amazing. I would have never guessed a search for such a ruthless and deadly disease like the West Nile virus would yield a paid sponsor section. Those are advertising dollars well spent.
The television coverage of West Nile virus, which I alluded to earlier, is overwhelming. It is not possible to watch a newscast without some mention of the raging epidemic sweeping across our country. Gloom, doom, death and destruction are all imminent and unavoidable according to some of the finer shows on the tube these days. The dear media is getting the word out to save all of us from a horrible fate. How noble of them.
But hold the phones, flag on the play and wait a second. There is a problem with all of this panic and hype. The dreaded West Nile virus is not nearly as bad as it is made out to be. We rarely hear the facts on the news; we just hear a mouthful of babble about how fast it is spreading. Did you know that most mosquitoes do not carry the virus? Furthermore, most people do not get infected even when bitten by an infected mosquito.
Of those that do get infected, only 30 percent report minor flu-like symptoms. In United States outbreaks, less than a whopping 1 percent of infected people get seriously ill. In the past four years, the virus has taken 26 lives. I’m not trying to cheapen those lives lost by the virus, but the scope of this virus has been completely distorted by a news-hungry media.
Think about what’s been on the news lately. The “War on Terrorism” is getting old, and Osama hasn’t been seen or heard from in weeks. News people don’t have any more corporate scandals to rip and roar about, and there haven’t been any shark attacks lately. Also, we haven’t seen any heat waves, so the superstition known as global warming is slowly losing steam in the media. So that leaves only the West Nile virus as material to talk about. With a name as exotic as West Nile virus, is there any surprise that we hear about it every day of our lives?
Given the lack of news, I am going to try to start a new fever of hype with this article. Nothing irks me more than when someone fails to use a blinker when making a turn or cuts me off in traffic.
Since I arrived at MSU two years ago, I estimate that I have encountered this at least 57 times per day. Now that sounds like an epidemic that should get some more media attention.
The only problem with this theory is that a “growing number of stupid drivers” does not create the same reaction with the general public as the more adventurous “West Nile virus.” So, to fix this, I propose that we begin referring to the ever-increasing wave of ignorant drivers as people being infected with “Noxubee Refuge Influenza.”
That’s right, our own Noxubee Refuge could be a national landmark of baseless hype. Symptoms include wearing Alabama shirts or having “Eli for Heisman” bumper stickers. Watch out for the Noxubee Refuge Influenza!