The Student Newspaper of Mississippi State University

The Reflector

The Student Newspaper of Mississippi State University

The Reflector

The Student Newspaper of Mississippi State University

The Reflector

Saving kissing for marriage builds stronger relationships

Recently, my boyfriend and I celebrated our six-month anniversary. We reminisced on fun times, looking back on how much we had grown as a couple, and admired our ability to conquer challenges together. 

We also exchanged three little words: “I love you.” I had not told my boyfriend I loved him any earlier to make sure I did not say it out of the “warm fuzzies”  that tend to happen early on in relationships. 

I was glad I waited to say it when I knew I truly meant it. In my boyfriend’s words, “Words are easy; actions are not.” 

We both knew the love was there between us based on our actions, even before either of us said it aloud. These actions were not physical. Although I love my boyfriend, he and I have never kissed. 

My boyfriend and I’s  love is inspired by the love Jesus has for us. We both believe, as stated by the Romans 5:8 in the King James Bible, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” 

We try to model our love after this love  Jesus has for us, because it is a love that gives to fulfill the needs of others, despite the sacrifices this giving may entail. 

We want the focus of our love to be serving one another as people instead of focusing on self-pleasure. Because of this, my boyfriend and I do not kiss. 

Our current plan is to wait to kiss until we are married, if we get married. Do not get me wrong; I’m sure kissing would be great, and I would like to do it, but I believe something greater is in store if we wait. 

I believe not-kissing allows a couple to be more interested in each other as children of God. This keeps an individual from thinking about their romantic partner only in terms of what they can get out of one another. 

Now, I know the Bible does not state that kissing is a sin. According to Matthew 5:28, however, having lust for someone, and using someone for your own pleasure, is bad. 

Instead, we are called to love each other as Jesus loves us, which is what my boyfriend and I strive for. Jesus’s love is not about getting; it is about giving. 

I understand that you may be reading this and thinking that it is crazy to be in a relationship and not kiss. 

You may be thinking, “If you don’t kiss, how do you know if it will work out? What happens if one of you is bad at kissing? What if there’s no spark?”

I answer this by again saying that self-pleasure is not the reason I am in a relationship. 

If kissing turns out to be a dreadful thing (and I’m sure it will not), our relationship is built on a solid enough foundation that it will still not fall apart. If two people love each other, the physical stuff should not matter. 

Another argument people make is that the physicality of relationships matter from a scientific perspective. According to Psychology Today, people can find out genetic information about another person through kissing. 

However, I think there are much more important things than supposed genetic compatibility. I think a person should first know how their partner  reacts in various situations, what their partner likes and dislikes, and how their partner communicates. 

My boyfriend and I are using this period of dating to learn about each other as people, so we can envision if we want to spend our lives with one another.  

I do not want to be merely used for pleasure, and I am sure my boyfriend does not either. There is simply no room for lust in love.

Even though we forgo some pleasure by waiting to kiss until marriage, this practice still leads to many benefits in our relationship.. A relationship without lust leads to being totally accepted for who you are, in terms of both your flaws and your strengths. 

It involves someone encouraging you when you are not strong and  having your back no matter what. It means you have someone to be your companion no matter what you look like that day. 

It means you have someone to be your best friend—to celebrate with you in the good times and mourn with you in the bad. 

Although kissing is not necessarily the doorway to destruction, I think it gets in the way of two people truly learning about each other in times of courtship. I also think this sacrifice can even lead to a more lasting relationship. 

Doctor of Psychology Matthew Miller agrees; he states that this sort of sacrificial love is necessary to make long term relationships work. Besides, is it not every human’s dream to be loved just as they are as a person? 

My boyfriend treats me like both a person and a princess—so much more than an object of selfish lust. This is worth more to me than any pleasure I would ever gain from kissing. 

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The Student Newspaper of Mississippi State University
Saving kissing for marriage builds stronger relationships