Every generation has one, I suppose: a musician so raw and pure he seems able to command time itself. There’s Bob Dylan and Buddy Holly, John Lennon and Jerry Garcia, Sid Vicious and Kurt Cobain and the list goes on, but if you have an eye for talent like I do, then you know what we are witnessing has no equivalent. Justin Bieber has no equivalent.
Now, I have been a Bieleber since the beginning, way before the rest of you. I bought a bootleg copy of “Live: From the Swing Set,” the early EP that got him signed and memorized every song (and dance move) by heart before it was even released.
So yeah, I know some Bieber and no, I’m not like all these bandwagon preteens who only sickeningly adore his glorious hair. His hair is, obviously, some of the best kept in the business, but I respect Bieber for his prowess as an artist above all else.
Across the globe, it’s become pretty undeniable, really; the kid is probably the closest thing on earth we’ve had to an actual demigod since Heracles. His dance moves are magnificent. His lyrics are timeless. He is a raw fireball of talent.
Like some of the greats before him, Bieber’s influence can be seen in nearly any city on the planet, from Moscow to Miami, especially since his 3D movie extravaganza. His recent summer tour has gone through every notable city in the western hemisphere and he has met with some of the most important people in those cities. Recently, however, Bieber Fever seems to be producing some pretty negative side effects, and even though I am through and through a “day-one-fan,” the 17-year-old is becoming increasingly suspicious in my eyes.
In Mexico City, Mexico, El Norte, a local news outlet, is reporting a teenage girl posted a status on Facebook offering her virginity in return for tickets to the upcoming Bieber concert. Don’t get me wrong, I have done some pretty regrettable things to get my hands on tickets to see the Biebs, but I’ve NEVER offered my virginity! Plus, the girl didn’t even classify where the tickets had to be. How trashy! I would have at least asked for floor seats.
There was more Bieber debauchery earlier this month. A Brooklyn-based sculptor named Daniel Edwards (no relation to John Edwards — I checked) has just finished work on a bronze statue (idol) of Bieber and his young mistress Selena Gomez. The statue shows a nude Bieber and Gomez standing upright, with a goose and an armadillo attempting to fornicate at their feet. A single maple leaf and star cover the naked super couple’s crotches. Seriously. The statue is being installed in a progressive store in the great Dallas, Texas, called New Fine Arts. This wonderful establishment’s name really is fitting because all it sells is porn.
So there it is. We have two isolated incidents of sex and idol making. These events, on the surface, have absolutely nothing directly to do with Justin Bieber but are still disturbing nonetheless and certainly call for a closer look. Even though my roots in Bieberism run strong and deep, I can’t deny the obvious. It is a dark day. I know my readers are, in many cases, much more intelligent than myself, so I have no doubt you have come to the conclusion I am about to profess, but I feel I must type it out for realization reasons. Justin Bieber is the Anti-Christ.
Micah Green is a senior majoring in communication. He can be contacted at [email protected].
