I’ve recently been privy to several inconsiderate conversations revolving around hot-button topics such as, but not limited to: skin cancer, homosexuality, death, poverty, suicide, homelessness, drug abuse and alcoholism. I’ve overheard gossip on the shuttle en route to my sorority house. I’ve been on the receiving end of a very long telephone-like string of insults. I’ve sat with a young woman struggling with body image on my right as the girl on my left with toothpick thighs pointedly denies a second Sister Shubert roll.
And the common question that threads throughout all of these uncomfortable encounters: is any of this really necessary? Why do we insist on poisoning the world with negativity? Why can’t we simply think before we speak?
It’s a timeless cliché, but one that cannot be cited enough. Think before you speak. It’s plastered on elementary school walls. It’s printed in magazines and on bumper stickers. It’s taped to refrigerators. We’re constantly bombarded with reminders of this simple truth, and yet it seems to always take the backseat to the rumors that flow over our lips on a day-to-day basis. Hearing this battered phrase is like thinking you’ve lost your favorite pair of shoes and later noticing them resting by your front door, months after initially losing them. We have become completely numb to compassion and are somewhat reluctant to consider other people’s feelings before confronting them with senseless humor.
In an age where the cancer rate is at an all-time high and there are 30,000 suicides per year, it’s not appropriate to make jokes about falling asleep in the tanning bed or whine about slitting your wrists over a bad grade. There are 7 billion people on earth, each and every one of them carrying unique emotional baggage.
“Darling Magazine,” a publication committed to promoting positivity and encouragement in today’s culture, put it best: “It sounds so simple, but shouldn’t it be a constant goal in our relationships to build others up with life-affirming encouragement and love rather than tear them down with gossip, criticism and negative speech?”
We have the opportunity to either bless or curse someone with our words, and sometimes our natural instinct is to choose to curse. But if negativity is our instinct, how do we withhold it from conversation? We have to put effort into surrounding ourselves with positivity in order to drive out pessimism.
This isn’t to say you should avoid any and all emotional topics. There is a certain amount of emotional vulnerability that is required to cultivate lasting relationships. In order to connect with people on a level deeper than that of favorite colors and hometowns, you have to be open with your struggles, ambitions, desires and fears. But there is a way to approach the hard stuff with compassion, kindness and above all else, sensitivity. The sooner we learn to filter through our negative comments, the sooner we can begin to sprinkle the world with positivity.
Author George MacDonald showed his understanding of the power of positivity when he wrote, “If instead of a gem, or even a flower, we should cast the gift of a loving thought into the heart of a friend, that would be giving as the angels give.” Loving thoughts incite loving action, and it is loving and sensitive action that allows the world to truly spin around its axis in harmony.
So keep your opinions graceful, your gossip in check and your voices low.
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Pay it Forward: A lesson on the art of encouragment
Catie Marie Martin
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March 27, 2014
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