Q: All my girlfriends hate my boyfriend of two years. They don’t get along with him and have told me I can do much better. If we stay together, do you think my friends’ opinions will affect our relationship, and, if so, will I have to choose between them?
A: Girls are your friends for two reasons: One, so they can borrow assorted garments from your overstuffed wardrobe and two, to be honest with you and in doing so protect your net value.
In this case, they’re trying to protect you from a potential heartbreak. However, girls can be catty at the same time. Are they jealous of how much time he gets to spend with you? You should consider several possibilities when deciding why they don’t admire your guy.
There’s a high likelihood that your girlfriends will either be in or at your wedding. Without a doubt they would come at your beck and call within fractions of a second to fix a wretched haircut. And, in turn, you would tell them if their love handles exceeded the compact waistband of their go-out pants. In this case, they are surely looking out for your well-being.
Maybe they’ve never really met your man. Try having everyone together for dinner so they can talk to him and get to know him better. But in order to avoid that becoming a disaster in itself, tell your girls to bring their men, too.
In the long run I think it’s important that your friends respect your guy. If they can’t get along with him, there may be something your eyes are intentionally being shielded from.
Don’t ever feel like you have to choose. It may get harder to deal out your schedule, but a truly good boyfriend would never ask you to give up your girls night out to make him happy. And vice versa: your girlies would never give you an ultimatum.
If you know in your heart that he’s the one you love and no one can change that, tell your friends to back off and accept him for who he is. But don’t say they didn’t warn you, because the sixth sense that most ladies possess doesn’t lie.
Q: I’m almost certain my boyfriend is going to propose on Valentine’s Day. The worst part is that I’ve recently started liking another guy. I feel so cornered and almost just want to say “yes” because he would be the perfect husband. I have so much more in common with this other guy, and I think he may be the one for me. How should I handle this?
A: On the bright side, you have two guys who really care about you. But, your decision time is limited due to an impending question.
It’s important that you try to relax. It will only stress you out by trying to figure it all out in one day. The answer will probably become clear when you stop racking your brain for it.
Obviously this new guy, with whom, oddly enough, you’ve had lots of quality time to spend, is in your life for a reason. He may not be the knight in shining armor you asked the heavens to bestow upon you, but they never are, are they?
It may be more than you are willing to do, but one of the best ways to solve a problem like this is to write down the pros and cons of each relationship. Sure the man proposing can play well with little kids and has job security, but can he carry on a conversation with you in 30 years? It’s possible that someday he won’t support your personal dreams and goals and you’ll be watching him pass the time in his recliner with a beer in one hand and the remote in the other.
The new guy always carries with him a spear of uncertainty. Maybe you two can be in a sinking canoe in a lake surrounded by crocodiles and laugh about it, but do his morals and values match your own? Who knows? You may walk into a room one day to find him standing there wearing your pink heels and panties.
There are countless ways you could go about finding out which guy is for you. Maybe neither of them is the right man for you and your true Prince Charming is waiting for you just around the corner.
The most important thing is that you don’t kill yourself over this. You need to remember that things happen for a reason and if you follow your gut feeling over this milestone, it will only lead you to happiness.
Crystal will answer readers’ questions. E-mail them to [email protected].