Q: All my friends are coupled, leaving me the last single one in the group. However, last weekend I met someone that is promising, but the problem is that one of my other friends has her eyes set on him, too. I’ve already told her that I wanted him, and that didn’t stop her from going after this guy. I don’t want to lose a friend over this, especially since it’s over some guy I barely know. But she already has a guy, and what’s wrong with me having one finally? What can I do to keep the friend and the guy?
A: This sounds like a whine and cheese party, with a disproportionately small amount of cheese. Try to keep in mind that being single has its advantages. OK, so that’s the stupidest, most annoying clich, at least to those who are currently single. Singleness can really suck. I hear ya.
While I’m referring to the self-pity party you’re hosting, remember that acting excessively needy for a guy won’t get you a man any faster. A woman who appears desperate actually tends to keep guys at bay. Do your best to appreciate the positive aspects of being single until your situation changes. After you accept singleness and are maintaining a more positive demeanor, a guy is eventually going to materialize on your horizon.
Don’t get discouraged, because you have lots of time and opportunities awaiting you. Your time will come. Even if you’ve been at State for awhile, don’t be in big hurry to get in a relationship, and keep hanging in there for a guy that’s right for you.
So now, back to “Mr. Promising.” I have to ask, what makes this guy so promising? I checked the campus directory and neither Johnny Depp nor Enrique Iglesias are currently enrolled here. Don’t get too carried away thinking this guy is your knight complete with the shiny armor. As you said, you barely know him, so don’t go getting all dreamy eyed just yet.
Your friend’s intentions are less than honorable. She doesn’t sound like much of a friend to me. I’ve sought the opinion of my female romance guru, and I’m being told since you called dibs first, that according to the “Girl Code,” your friend should back off. The fact that your friend is already with someone is something this guy needs to know about, since it basically brings her near to the level of a common prostitute. In your case, it would probably be best for him to find out through somebody besides yourself, so put another friend up to the task if you can. Since your girlfriend is already in a relationship, once the guy finds that out he won’t have anything to do with her. If it doesn’t deter him, then he’s not worth your while anyway.
As for getting methods of sucking in this dream guy of yours, it comes down to how far you’re willing to go. First, utilize common friends. Try and get the word out that whenever he’s out with some of your friends, that you’d like to be invited as well. If you’re feeling bold you could even ask a friend to set you up with dream-boy.
Put yourself in the situations where you’re likely to continue running into him. If you can, borrow something of his, which means you’ll have to stop by his place to return it eventually. Establish some common ground, such as his taste in live bands at clubs, where he eats lunch in The Union or where he hangs out between classes.
As for your friend, she’s dug up the war hatchet here, so be assertive, stand up for yourself and tell her you won’t back down. Choose the moment carefully though, because this might not be the kind of guy who enjoys watching catfights.
Barry Kirsch is a senior chemical engineering major. He can be reached at [email protected].