Spending Mardi Gras weekend in New Orleans will be fun, no doubt. But to have a fantastic time you’re going to have to seek out the shadiest, most obscure bars, try the fanciest, most storied drinks and check out the parades from the best vantage points.
For the most successful Mardi Gras experience, one must expand horizons from the more commercialized perception of the festival and venture down the road less traveled. From the tops of the uptown mansions visitors fantasize about owning to the depths of the darkest streets in the Vieux Carre and downtown-New Orleans offers many new things to explore.
On a typical Mardi Gras weekend, day or night, the college experience begins with a treacherous bar crawl. Being an uptown New Orleans native, I recommend beginning uptown and inching your way toward the French Quarter and downtown area. Deciding which late nightspots to visit is up to the party seeker and how hard he or she wants to party.
Dude! Where do I park?
So you want to see the best of New Orleans, but you don’t know how you’ll get there without having to deal with a ridiculous parking situation? If you’re already uptown, leave your car parked on any street in the Tulane campus area and either catch the streetcar or a cab or wear a comfortable pair of shoes.
Parking downtown is a huge hassle and will empty your pockets of any fun money you had been saving up. And beware of hand-painted signs that say, “$10 all-day parking”-if you park there, you might not see your car again.
UPT Stylee
Bruno’s on 7601 Maple St. is a great starting place for parade-filled days and barhopping nights. It’s usually the quiet bar with the nice laid-back atmosphere, but nothing’s normal during Mardi Gras weekend. Bruno’s has a wide variety of imported beer on tap and always has daily/nightly specials. Grab a few pitchers, get a bowl of their free popcorn, throw a few darts, shoot some pool and be on your way.
Now you can walk about five blocks down to 1039 Broadway St. to the Boot, another uptown bar, but it’s always crowded and their huge (expletive) beers may not be worth the wait.
This frat-soaked bar has been the headquarters for “Girls Gone Wild” and Snoop Dogg. Snoop has made many grand arrivals to this bar in his stretch limos, always accompanied by his golden, blinged-out chalice and-shall we say-special cigarettes. If you’re a fan, the Boot’s the place to chill with the man, fo’ shizzle!
Taking care of business
Let me remind you to tinkle and take care of big business before you head any further from uptown. You may find yourself in line on St. Charles waiting for a “Pot-O-Gold” that’s propped up on the back of the pickup of some scary drunk man yelling “5 bucks!” at passers by.
The brave ones always think squatting between houses and cars is a faster means of relieving themselves, but getting caught by the police could mean short jail time and big fees.
My advice: if an officer catches you in the act, play it off and act like you have no idea where or who you are.
Parade the route
Now it’s time to scrounge up $1.25 for streetcar fare and head down St. Charles Avenue. Remember-no open containers on board. The conductors are especially grumpy during this season and will not hesitate to kick an un-abiding person off the car.
You may want to drag along a few coolers with your parade pals. In addition to keeping things cool, they are good for standing on during parades. Find a nice spot and make it your own. Stand tall on your coolers and yell at the top of your lungs, “Throw me somethin’ mister!” and “Show your… beads!” Yeah, beads.
Guy’s-bring cameras. Gals-keep your clothes on.
The prize catches of these parades are the medallion beads and the blinking-light beads. But the most valued of all are the cups. Parade cups are good for your apartment here in Starkville and even better for a quick draft.
The famous standing ground for the college-aged crowds during the parades is around the area between Fat Harry’s and Superior Grill. Superior Grill holds a huge weekend-long block party where you pay a small fee and get a wristband and unlimited access to beer and a clean bathroom.
Fat Harry’s is always crowded, but fun nonetheless. Try their famous Bloody Mary if you need to nurse last night’s fun, or head back to the Grill-they make great burgers and cheese fries.
If you walk a little further down St. Charles, you will see the beautiful Columns Hotel to your left. It looks like a huge, old white colonial mansion with enormous columns-hence the name. With a huge porch and tables, this is a great place to sit with friends for a more intimate parade-watching experience. Ladies-go inside to the hotel bar-the bartenders wear tuxedos and are always very cute. I suggest you get one of their Appletini’s and work your magic.
French Quarter and Downtown
After the parades wrap up, head downtown and be prepared for a crazy night. The French Quarter is infamous for being the haven of secret recipe drinks. They taste great. You think it’s just a fruity punch (Not!) so you drink three or four. Next thing you know, (or don’t know), you’re joining the street performers. And I’m not speaking from personal experience. I swear.
Don’t be surprised to walk into hoards of people yelling up at the balconies for beads in exchange for special sights. If you’re not into that kind of craziness, close your eyes-or better yet, don’t go to the French Quarter. It’s everywhere.
Rue Bourbon
So you’re on Bourbon Street in the Vieux Carre-great. Now it’s time to hit the hotspots.
There are a lot of places a Mardi Gras-goer can step in and grab a quick one, but for a more enjoyable Mardi Gras atmosphere, don’t limit yourself to the lame side-of-the-street daiquiri shops.
Go to Tropical Isle and get a “hand grenade.” This green, tarty, secret ingredient-containing beverage is always garnished with a toy hand grenade that floats atop. But beware-this drink must be enjoyed in moderation (read: one serving). This bar also has a great balcony to view the madness below.
Cat’s Meow and Razoo’s are two of the most famous karaoke bars. People are allowed to belch out lyrics on a flashy stage and attempt to achieve the notoriety of Kelly Clarkson or Clay Aiken.
Pat O’Briens is a must. This Irish bar is somewhat overrated, but that doesn’t demean their incredible piano bar experience or their fiery fountain. Pat O’s house drink is the Hurricane, and no New Orleans experience can be complete without imbibing this red, rum-filled concoction that’s always garnished with a cherry and orange slice. I recommend you buy the signature logo glass shaped like an old-fashioned hurricane lamp.
Late night
For all you nocturnal people, head on back uptown-a night of eclectic people and atmospheres await. Here your shady side shall be revealed.
First, and most favorite, is Snake and Jake’s Christmas Club Lounge on 7612 Oak St., open 9 p.m. to 7 a.m. It’s as shady as its neighborhood. The large Christmas wreath above the entrance lets visitors know they’re there. It resembles a double-wide trailer and is very dark inside.
This dimly lit venue is supposedly Mick Jagger’s favorite bar and it has an unwritten rule: no clothes, free drinks. From a random lit-up Santa Claus on the bar to the stray dogs running about, this bar’s a late-night must.
F & M Patio Bar, located on 4841 Tchoupitoulas, is a late nightspot famous for its rowdy partygoers who dance atop the pool tables. If you want a pick-up joint, this is the place.
Open 24 hours, The Club, also known as Ms. Mae’s, is located on the corner of Napoleon Avenue and Magazine Street. The people are always diverse, the atmosphere is very New Orleans and the stiff $1 drinks can’t be beat anywhere else in the NOLA area.
When it comes down to it, the success of a Mardi Gras experience relies solely on the person, the places they choose to go and things they choose to do. So let Mardi Gras 2004 be your blank canvas, and whatever you do be the paint.
For more information on Mardi Gras 2004 and parade info, visit www.nola.com.