Q: I’m always so nice when I go out and try to pick up girls, but my complimentary style never works. So lately I’ve been a complete jackass to the females at bars, and I’ve gotten much more rewarding feedback. Why are girls more attracted to guys who are cruel and make fun of them to their face?
A: The reason you may now be accumulating a bedroom waiting list is because girls like the challenge. And unless you take the girl home because she passed out in the middle of the bar, it’s merely a challenge to get her phone number amongst the smoke and sweaty dancers.
We’ll take Mr. Nice Guy and Miss Gullible, for example. Mr. Nice Guy buys Miss Gullible a drink at a bar. When she accepts the drink she looks at him to initiate a conversation. He sees she’s interested and asks about her lifetime goals and aspirations, moving on to the names of her deceased pets and unborn children. She squeals in delight when he asks her where she got her designer shoes. Luckily for her he has dimples, big feet and a rather large wallet in the back pocket of his snug jeans. He smiles, she smiles and everyone is happy.
If you imagine yourself in Mr. Nice Guy’s size 14 shoes then you’re not going to get the girls you wanted in the first place. You may find the gold-digging, high-maintenance, unblemished blonde you’ve always dreamed of. But, you probably won’t find anyone with substance, let alone a soul.
It’s fun to flirt and poke fun at a girl, just as long as you don’t attack her slightly hairy and hideous upper lip that she’s already self-conscious about. Just remember that if you like dishing out the jokes that you should be able to handle her decent comebacks.
To keep your personality on the edge when trying to meet women, and not get nasty, simply be someone who is interesting to talk to. Girls are most certainly more attracted to those guys who share things in common with them and have an interesting character resume.
Go into conversations with an open mind. If you feel that the girl to whom you’re talking would be offended by your rude and sly remarks, then be the nice guy. But, if you spot a little devilish female across the bar, supply her with words of fascination and mystery. You have to understand the basis of her personality before you start blabbing away.
One thing you can try is asking her what her favorite thing to do is. Whether it’s shopping, reading, collecting lingerie or watching “Sportscenter,” you can figure out whether she’s a short-term match, a potential long-term connection or something from outer space.
Another option is to buy her that drink-if it doesn’t look like she’s already had one too many-and debate with her as to why you think the Cubs should have gone to win the World Series.
When all the bars become predictable and everyone knows most of the regulars on Saturday nights, it’s normal to look for something different out there. It’s a false and common myth that girls like men who look and act like Mr. Nice Guy. A girl would rather you be yourself. This means that as long as you have that first attraction going, she will be attentive the remainder of the night-as long as you don’t start slurring your words and ask her to give you and your buddies a striptease.
Trying a couple personality experiments, but still being yourself, will ultimately grant you the girls you’ve been searching for. Ladies like variety. So if you like ladies, then chances are finding your best qualities and applying them to your nightlife is the key to your making that bedroom list or potential girlfriend list longer.
Crystal will answer readers’ questions. E-mail questions to [email protected]