I am a reality television junky. I have watched every episode of “Survivor” since the second season; I wanted to know who was “The Mole;” I tuned in to most of “Temptation Island” during the first and second seasons. I also followed “Big Brother 2” and “Big Brother 3,” “Murder in Small Town X,” “The Amazing Race,” “Combat Missions,” and “Bachelorettes in Alaska” (yes, that really was a show).
Heck, I’ve even watched most episodes of MTV’s “The Real World” and I’ve followed Anna Nicole’s struggles with Bobby Trendy. I think I can qualify as an expert on reality television.
Needless to say, it doesn’t take a lot to get me to watch a reality TV show; however, there are some things even I won’t watch.
Take for example VH1’s “Liza & David.” The show was supposed to follow the life of Liza Minnelli and her husband David Gest. Thankfully, VH1 has cancelled the show due to problems with Gest. According to the Associated Press, Gest went as far as requiring VH1 crew members to wear surgical booties in their apartment. Regardless of the reason, I for one am pleased that it was cancelled. How entertaining could Minnelli really be-unless she got into a slap fight with Bobby Trendy. I would pay to watch that.
Another example is Animal Planet’s “Dog Days.” The show takes place in Madison Square Park in New York and revolves around several dog owners and their pets.
I love animals, especially dogs, but if I want to see a canine version of “Melrose Place,” I’ll just put my female Shih Tzu in the same room with my mother’s male poodle and male Shih Tzu and watch them fight over who gets to smell my dog’s butt.
Because I want to be part of the solution, I came up with some ideas of good reality shows.
What about a reality show patterned after “The House on Haunted Hill?” You could put a bunch of people in a house and rig it up to scare the crap out of them. I’m not sure what the object of the game would be, but considering how dumb some of the participants on other reality shows are, I think this has the making of must-see TV.
Another possibility would be a show I like to call “Slap Fight.” In this game, two celebrities would face off and take turns smacking each other until one of them cried. Imagine what it would be like to see Hilary Rodham Clinton wailing on Monica Lewinsky or Britney Spears versus Christina Aguilera? Even better, a “Dancing Queen vs. Drag Queen” extravaganza that pits Paula Abdul against RuPaul.
How about this idea? If you thought Anna Nicole scraped the bottom of the barrel when it came to drunken depravity and tasteless excess, just wait until you see “The Bill Clinton Show.”
We follow around Slick Willy as he cruises New York City’s bar scene, using cheesy pick up lines like, “My wife stays in Washington most of the time,” and “You know, I can get into any club in this city, because I used to be president.”
Better yet, we could have one called “Daddy’s Girls” about Jenna and Barbara Bush. We follow the wonder twins around as they party, get fake IDs made and engage in all the mischief and mayhem typical of young, rich and popular girls.
But the real fun starts when we watch the girls try to sneak back into the White House, where they are met by Laura Bush in her bathrobe and curlers and George W. in his Texas Rangers pajamas.
Laura launches into her little speech. “Where in the H-E-double hockey sticks have you two been? Your father and I were worried sick! You could have at least had the decency to call! GEORGE! Will you help me make a big deal out of this?”
George takes his face out of some leftover chocolate pie long enough to say, “You girls have done it this time. Tell ’em momma.”
Then we close in on the girls who say (in unison), “But Mo-OM!”
Margaret Odom is a junior communication major.