Most people like chocolate. This is not exactly a controversial statement. It is proudly laid out next to check-out registers at grocery stores, enticing shoppers to add just one more item to their already full cart, thoughtlessly given as an arbitrary reward by teachers to students who answer questions correctly and all too often is associated with love, sex and romance. See any store front display on or near Valentine’s Day if you doubt me.
The at times fascist fascination with the stuff is enough to make a man sick. I do not like chocolate. In fact, I would dare to say I loathe it with as many fibers of my being as possible. It brings no pleasure to my tongue, only bitter disgust. The smell alone is enough to raise the threat of my lunch suddenly becoming decoration for whatever floor I happen to be situated above, and the texture is something out of nightmares. Gooey, sticky, melting between fingers—it is truly an abysmal scourge.
Now, I would not be so arrogant to assume my own tastes speak for everyone, as they clearly do not, but there is a deeper obsession with chocolate beyond any of its physical attributes. Folks live for the stuff. They find it strange how anyone should disagree with them. I cannot recount how many times in my life I have politely refused an offering of Reese’s, Hershey’s or any other widely-loved chocolates, only to be met with glaring eyes of fire and the all too familiar question.
“What is wrong with you?”
I am here to answer you all with one sweeping word: nothing. Chocolate is a food unlike any other in how it has been assigned a cultural significance completely separate from anything our five senses can perceive. In the eyes of its staunchest lovers, to hate chocolate is to hate comfort, sweet, sugary relief from an uncaring world and, in the most idealistic cases, romance. I can happily confirm to you all I lack nothing for not relishing in the sticky gunk marketed as “kisses.”
Fever over the treat is nothing new. Cultivation of the cacao tree began in ancient times in what is now Central America. Beans from the tree were left to ferment and be mixed with spices to make drinks. These drinks had many cultural uses and caught the eye of European colonizers in the 16th century. Cacao beans were taken back to Europe where they were sweetened instead of fermented, and it is from this practice the modern usage of chocolate was derived. Since then, chocolate has only grown in popularity. Market demand led to colonial nations using slave labor to speed production, and the Industrial Revolution only helped this goal.
Today, chocolate is marketed to us almost effortlessly due its foothold in the zeitgeist. Walking M&Ms are as recognizable figures as Mickey Mouse or Bugs Bunny. The green M&M was even sexualized to arouse interest in the brand. Kit Kat bars have a jingle which is almost enthralling if left unfinished, begging any who hear the melody to hum the last few notes.
Marketing conspiracies aside, chocolate is also just not good for you. Commercial varieties are packed with sugar and fat for flavor, and little else of any nutritional worth. According to Lisa Drayer of CNN, chocolate, while having some health benefits, can be quite detrimental to one’s health if eaten in copious amounts.
“Yes, dark chocolate has compounds that offer health benefits and can be enjoyed without guilt, even on a daily basis,” Drayer explains, “but the portion size matters, since too many bites can contribute extra fat, sugar and calories and negate its health benefits.”
So chocolate is good until it is not. Noted. Let us take a look at portioning then. Surely, most people are good at moderating their intake of any sort of luxury item, right?
Well, maybe not. The FDA does not recommend any sort of daily consumption of chocolate due to the likelihood of having added sugars when sold commercially. Excessive sugars in one’s diet is known to contribute to obesity, which in turn leads to health complications in almost every imaginable field.
Added sugars in chocolate have been a focal point of debate among school districts for years. In her article, Chris Henry of The Kitsap Sun reports how the Kitsap Public Health District decided to continue to allow chocolate milk in public schools in the district due to fears of students drinking less milk, which has been shown to have positive health benefits, especially for growing adolescents overall. Kitsap County decided not to go with plain milk only, despite Henry reporting how a quarter of eight-graders in the county were overweight or obese. I find it difficult to see why adding cocoa and sugar to something like milk is even up for debate when it has no tangible benefits, and in fact, might have very negative side effects for growing children.
Chocolate might be the thing you look forward to most in your day. It might be just a happy surprise which makes you smile and is then forgotten about completely as it slides down your gullet. Regardless of its particular importance to your life, it is unfair to assume everyone shares your feelings. And that is fine. It is okay for us to disagree. However, the next time someone does not see the joy in smearing sweetened mud on their lips, do not just assume they are the owners of malfunctioning taste buds. Do not ask what is wrong with them. Instead, ask what chocolate has done for you lately.