Interesting phact. Do you know how many tie-dyed shirts I own?
I’ll tell you. Two. The first I made in my high (no pun intended) school chemistry class. The second was made for me earlier this summer.
From the earliest examples in Peru to the way it was popularized in the ’60s and ’70s in the U.S., I’ve always thought it was an interesting and (from my personal experience) difficult art form. With so many dyes and folding techniques, the possibilities to express yourself are endless. But lately, all I seem to see are people wearing the exact same pattern tie-dye [insert restaurant/location/festival/concert] shirts. Who are these people? I asked around at lunch the other day. The prominent response: hippies.
Hippies, I thought? No way. Aren’t hippies the love and peace social activists responsible for civil rights, women’s rights and gay rights? These seemed more like raging fellow college kids trying to fit into a specific social niche. I had to find out more, so I did what any kid my age would do visit: Urban Dictionary’s Web site.
“Modern-day hippies are groups that pretend to have ideals and anti-establishment causes, but really are as closed-minded as any clique or trendy group. Some think everything should be as happy and peaceful as their privileged lives have afforded them, and they only listen to very few bands/DJs, the ones that are the most popular amongst hippies. This creates ‘quality’ bands/DJs that get overrun and sold out by people who don’t have a clue about what makes the performers exceptional,” the online source said.
Then it all made so much sense. Without taking into consideration how lame it is to have a T-shirt telling me you ate at a restaurant in Destin, Florida, how much more lame is it to buy factory-made tie-dye!?
Buying a white shirt and doing it yourself as art and self-expression is what it is all about! How much more phony can you get? Buying tie-dye is acceptable only if it is handmade, because then it is analogous to buying a piece (no pun intended) from an artist. Even so, if you truly appreciate the art, you will experiment with it yourself. All bought tie-dye sends up red flags.
So, I have decided to take matters into my own hands. And so can you. By simply asking a few questions, you too can quickly determine if he or she is a real peace-loving hippies. From there, it is up to you to call them out as legitimate or not.
There are two approaches: the passive approach (which I prefer myself) or the aggressive approach.
The passive or Zen approach is simple. If the yet-to-be-determined hippie or hipster responds something along the lines that he or she bought the tie-dye and did not make it him or herself, first slightly squint your eyes and then say a dragged out “oh” (no longer than three seconds, depending on severity of Zen effect). You can even add in some raising of the cheekbones or some other disappointed facial feature. This will make the now determined faker feel quite uncomfortable. Follow this with a passive but intense stare into their eyes (they hate eye contact) in complete silence.
Much in the same way as when you catch a person who pretends to like classical music but knows nothing of Chopin’s nocturnes or even what a nocturne entails, the person will feel extremely awkward and start jabbering excuses about his or her tie-dye. The key is to continue staring in silence. A person caught in a lie hates that. Sometimes, they will even forsake peace and love and get angry and hostile with you!
The aggressive approach should be done at your own risk. Now, it is quite common knowledge hippie pretenders who are really hipsters hate hipsters. This makes complete sense psychologically because pseudo-hippies/hipsters work exactly the same way: just substitute tie-dye and sandals for Dirt Cheap and Toms, add in Death Cab for Cutie instead of Phish, antidepressants instead of marijuana, coffee instead of green tea.
Thus, after asking the same intro question, look at them and say, “What!? You bought that tie-dye? You hipster!” Then just laugh. The pseudo-hippie (in actuality, the alternative hipster) will be so taken aback that you actually called him out for what he is, he may or may not get physically angry with you.
“Why do I even care?” you ask. Like I said, I write this not because I hate tie-dye, but because I actually really appreciate it as an art form. It makes annoys and saddens me to see such an interesting art form ruined and put under such a specific social stigma. But hey, maybe one day I’ll be free spirited enough to go buy a $20 factory-made tie-dye shirt. Or maybe it’s because I’m jealous. I wish I could pull off Timmy’s Crab Shack tie-dye shirts. Plus, I just don’t give oph good vibes, dude, when I’m wearing all those colors. It’s all about positive energy, dude.
But it’s a complex and confusing subject, isn’t it? Do I wish I was an authentic hippie – maybe that’s why I’m so vehemently defending tie-dye as an art form. Doesn’t the fact I just wrote an article on this in combination with my desire for authenticity mark me as a hipster? I love Chacos, but Toms are deck, too. I don’t know. I can’t figure it out. So you know what? I dedicate this article to both Trey Anastasio and Ben Gibbard: Thanks for everything you’ve done; without you, none of this would have been possible.
Julio Cespedes is a senior majoring in biological engineering. He can be contacted at [email protected].