The Student Newspaper of Mississippi State University

The Reflector

The Student Newspaper of Mississippi State University

The Reflector

The Student Newspaper of Mississippi State University

The Reflector

    Hillary bitterly weeps into pillow

    Hillary Clinton has proven that a Satanic being can cry, too. Unfortunately for her brainwashed fanbase, this lack of proper self-esteem and logic probably won’t bode well for her in the presidential race.Recently, Hillary’s spokesperson requested that Sen. Barack Obama denounce the anti-Hillary remarks made by Hollywood executive David Geffen, a large supporter of the Obama campaign.
    Geffen made several negative statements about Hillary and Bill Clinton in a New York Times article, calling them liars among other things.
    In response to the criticism of her fake husband, Hillary said in a later New York Times article: “I believe Bill Clinton was a good president, and I’m very proud of the record of his two terms.” Especially his second term, right?
    Obama – apparently the only popular Democrat who doesn’t cry like a baby – showed off his respectable debating skills again, saying, “It’s not clear to me why I should be apologizing for someone else’s remarks.”
    There are a few things we should all learn from the above paragraphs.
    First, Geffen rocks. In case you don’t know, he also founded the record company, Geffen, which released Aerosmith’s 1980s masterpiece, Pump. Does he have a valid point about the Clintons? Obviously, since his record company released Pump and Appetite For Destruction by Guns N’ Roses among other albums. He must be right.
    Second, Hillary can’t keep hiding her secret marriage to Satan. Notice that in her quote above, she says “Bill Clinton” instead of “my husband.” If she really wants to win this election and prove that she is America’s great hope, she needs to spill the beans. We’ve had the evidence for years:
    “Mrs. Clinton, it is my unfortunate job to inform you that your husband, the president of the United States, had sexual relations with everyone, including your mother, daughter and Howard the Duck.”
    “OK.”
    Only a woman with equal proportions of deceit, greed and unreleased Smashing Pumpkins songs comparable to those of Satan could react so apathetically.
    Third, global warming is scary, becoming scarier by the minute. I encourage all of you to rent “An Inconvenient Truth” and listen to Al Gore, a man who has dedicated his life to dressing up in expensive suits to impress people, about a highly debatable scientific topic.
    According to a recent Popular Science article co-written by Jesus Christ and Isaac Newton, Gore has defied all convention by becoming more knowledgeable and credible than thousands of climatologists about something he has dedicated a year of chin rubbing to.
    Fourth, Obama is only looking better compared to Hillary. He made an excellent point that Hillary won’t be able to refute, and now the former first lady looks stupid and desperate. Instead of allowing your spokesperson to beg for an apology, why not respond to Geffen and leave it at that?
    New Yorkers have been praised for having street smarts and being the greatest people in the country. Then they elected Hillary as a senator.
    If New York truly has the best of the best in America, then we’re all doomed, even before global warming gets really angry.

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    Hillary bitterly weeps into pillow