There’s one in every class, or at least every class I’ve taken. That one brown-nosing, repetitive, attention-hungry pseudo-genius that has to pipe up every time the teacher makes a point.
Thing is, 90 percent of the time that these ignoramuses say something, they are directly rephrasing something the teacher just said. Then the teacher gets all atwitter because someone was actually paying attention to the horrid lecture on famous Jewish Muslims, so she does not even acknowledge the fact that the Rain Man just repeated the same thing she just said.
Let me clarify something before I go any further. If you are reading this right now and are one of these non-stop interrupters, you probably don’t know that you’re one of them. I say this because, having observed the parrot in its natural habitat, I can’t fathom anyone ever acting so brain dead and containing the ability to notice his own idiocy. Now I will give a few tips to help you figure out if you are one of these incessant annoyances.
1. If you talk about your work, internship or sexual experiences to the entire class, you are one of these people. I would be willing to bet that a study would show 100 percent of people in your classroom do not care about the time the burger fell in the fryer and you tried to fish it out with your hand, or the time you got coffee for a slightly higher-ranked intern. Your life experiences have gotten you into a college classroom, whereas the professor’s have probably gotten him or her into unique situations that warrant a story and eventually a lesson. Shut up for just a few seconds and listen.
2. If you look around as you talk to the class and see people laughing, rolling their eyes, slitting their wrists or all three, you have successfully become one of these overzealous suck-ups. The natural reaction to someone who always has something to say about every situation is to either laugh at them or shoot them, and guns are not allowed in class. It is very obvious that you have not experienced everything in the world, so please save your exaggerations and lies for confession. You don’t have to comment on everything the professor says. Class will get out much, much sooner if you cut the inane garble you call conversation.
3. If you think you are an expert on the class you are taking, believe yourself to be smarter than the teacher and vocalize either of these two criteria, you’re a winner. Even if you do know something the teacher doesn’t or if you feel like trying to prove him wrong, don’t say anything. No one will be impressed with anything except your incredible lack of tact and capacity for interpersonal communication.
4. If someone handed you this article, you are one of these people. Continue reading, if you can, and you’ll understand.
As self-respecting students without infinite time on our hands, we should join together to permanently ban all students who act like they already have their doctorate in every subject they are currently taking. Humanity has done nothing to deserve the fate of sitting in a classroom for an entire hour listening to the one jackass in the front of the class ramble on about all the cool stuff he knows while the teacher yawns and tries not to show visible anger.
I’m not saying every student should sit in class quietly absorbing information without interaction. Give input occasionally, answer questions, doubt theories and theologies vocally. All of these are acceptable as long as you are not just trying to show everyone in class your beautiful ego.
This plague of students who do not know the proper times to speak and stay silent must end. If you have a class with this type of person, cut this article out and hand it to them silently, without a word. You may of course slap them, but only gently and without enough force to cause any permanent damage. Unite!