For months your life has seemed close to perfect. You find yourself in love with someone you think is amazing, you share close connections with new friends and growing connections with old friends, you have a good job, good grades, and all is well. Nothing, you believe, can go wrong.
One day, when you’re least expecting it, everything you thought you knew falls apart. You find out that the love of your life doesn’t love you. In fact, you learn that your partner was never really deserving of any trust whatsoever. On top of that, you discover that some of your friends aren’t really friends at all. Some of your new friends turn out to be more like enemies, and some of the old friends would rather live entirely for themselves than help you out. Your job performance suffers, and your grades begin to fall.
Everything that was right with your life has gone wrong, and at that moment, you are convinced that nothing will ever go right again.
So what do you do when you’ve been knocked off the cloud of comfort to which you’ve become so well accustomed? How do you get back to a somewhat normal life when you find out the life you’ve been living has been nothing more than a lie?
The process of “getting over it” is not an easy or a quick one, but you have to let the process take over at a rate that is comfortable for you, but remember that what seems most comfortable isn’t always best.
It’s easy to tell yourself that you’re over it, especially when anger rushes through your veins, but when you put your emotions to the side and look at the situation with a clear mind, you’ll realize that you aren’t really over it. This is often the second “stab” following the initial blow of the breakup.
I wish I could tell you that there is a definite way to get over someone, but there is no one way that works for everyone. There really aren’t many general rules to recovery, but there are a few things you should keep in mind when trying to move on with your life.
Friends should mean everything to you. Even if your trust has been violated in the worst way, you have at least one friend who you can trust entirely. You should enjoy his or her companionship as much as possible without taking advantage of it. You should also try to find the friends that haven’t deceived you and strengthen relationships with them. A good friend can be the most amazing medicine when you are down.
Do something out of the ordinary. You’ve been doing the same general thing for several months. While things are changing, make some changes in your activities.
Take a road trip, even if the idea of it seems pointless. Visit other colleges and hang out with old friends. The change in environment helps to shed new light on the situation.
Throw yourself into your work. It’s easy to let personal situations get in the way of your school and work tasks, but it’s important not to let such important aspects of your life slack. Take charge at work and attack your studies. It will make you feel better in the end.
Since we’re mostly talking about bad breakups, it’s important not to have contact with your ex for a while. You will probably only become angrier or more upset. If you stop seeing them, it’s easier to forget about what has been done. You’ll never really forget, but without them around, it’s more likely that you can push thoughts of them into the back of your mind. Don’t try to stop loving your ex, because if you truly loved him or her, then you will always do so to some degree.
It’s not healthy for you to love with the same degree that you once did, but it’s also unhealthy to try to stop loving.
So you’re single again. It’s not the end of the world, even if it seems like it. You have friends who love you, people who need you and a promising life ahead. Don’t let one person stop you from enjoying it.
Anyone who could do something that despicable doesn’t deserve to play an important role in anyone’s life.
Michael Robert is a sophomore studying mathematics. Send your relationship comments and questions to [email protected].