During the summer of 2010, I met a fantastic boy. We struck up a wonderful friendship with some sparks of romance flying toward the end of the weeks we spent working as camp counselors. On one of our last days together, he pulled me aside to have a chat about our friendship. I was praying this was “the talk” — that he was madly in love with me — but it was the opposite. He said he didn’t think we should date, especially because of the long distance that would be between us. He brought up great points for why a long-distance relationship wouldn’t work, and I have to admit, he made a lot of sense. He was starting graduate school. He didn’t want it to end badly between us. We went to colleges in separate states. He lives in a different time zone. There are a lot of valid reasons for terminating our blossoming love. I was sad, but life went on. One month later, he came to see me in Starkville. A year and a half later, he asked me to marry him. I said yes.
What changed? We decided to try the long-distance relationship.
My goal for this article is to give some hope to all you nay sayers and pessimists who think the idea of a long-distance relationship is impossible. I’ve had several friends who experience painful breakups because of the distance. I’ve also had friends refuse the chance of a potential relationship because “he just lives too far away”. While there may be very valid reasons for not going the extra mile (pardon the pun), I believe there are equally valid reasons for making it work.
From my personal experience, I know long-distance relationships can be very successful. I’m not saying they’re easy, but they aren’t as hard as you may think.
First of all, to make a long-distance relationship work, you have to try. You have to put forth the effort to make it work. For some, it stops here. If you don’t want to go the distance for a person, there’s not a lot you can do about that except end the relationship. But when you meet the person you’re willing to go the distance for, you don’t have any excuses not to try. We had no excuses.
My fiance lives in Atlanta, Ga. We take turns visiting each other. That means we do the homework and projects we have due the following Monday before we leave. We spend our money on gas for a 10-hour round-trip drive. We stay up a few hours later each night to talk, and we Skype often. We make personal sacrifices to see each other. In the beginning of our relationship, these things weren’t done out of spite; we made sacrifices because we were falling in love with each other.
There’s plenty of negativity surrounding long distance. On days when I’m mad, hurt or upset, all I want is a hug from him. Sometimes the frustration builds when all I have is a phone call. Sometimes, we’re both really busy, and we don’t get to speak often.
This brings me to my second point. You have to make time for each other in a long-distance relationship. Stay up later, wake up earlier — do something to make time for him or her. There are 24 hours in a day; you can find a way to devote some of that time to your significant other.
One of the best parts of a long-distance relationship is, in spite of the frustration of not seeing each other, the time you spend together is precious. It makes you appreciate them on a deeper level, I believe. You understand the things they do and go through to spend time with you.
I’m thankful I am in a long-distance relationship. When we get married next year, things will be very different in a lot of ways. No more missing each other, no more scheduled trips. Our lives will change forever, but I believe our long-distance relationship is preparing us well for it. When he’s getting on my last nerve, instead of picking a petty fight, all I have to do is think about the countless times I would have given anything to see him for a few moments.
Our long-distance relationship gave me a new perspective on dating. There aren’t a lot of things in this life that I’m 100 percent sure about, but marrying Christopher is one of them. We made it work, and so can you.