1. Look up plane tickets to anywhere.
2. Dust your house.
3. Call your brother.
4. Think up band names for the band you don’t have.
5. Think up baby names for the children you don’t have.
6. Think up pet names for the significant other you don’t have.
7. Think of that time a stranger gave you a pamphlet describing ‘‘The Keys to Success and Happiness.”
8. Smile a little, or a lot.
9. Watch ‘‘High Fidelity.”
10. Subsequently arrange your records autobiographically.
11. Arrange your books by color.
12. Make oatmeal.
13. Burn the oatmeal by accident.
14. Drive around for one or three hours.
15. See a stray dog on the side of the road.
16. Try to coax the dog into approaching you by telling him you love him.
17. Return to your vehicle, defeated.
18. Practice self-deprecation for a moment too long.
19. Listen to “If You Leave” by Orchestral Manouvres in the Dark 13 times in a row.
20. Write a letter to your parents.
21. Eat an orange.
22. Braid your hair.
23. Braid your friend’s hair.
24. Braid a stranger’s hair. (Optional)
25. Think about all the things you said you would never do but did do.
26. Think about all the things you said you would do but didn’t do.
27. Sing “Thunder Road.”
28. Become motivated to write your paper.
29. Rip up the letter to your parents.
30. Buy a cactus.
31. Become immediately attached to said cactus.
32. Have a drink.
33. Have another drink.
34. Have a candy bar.
35. Write your paper.
36. Read your paper.
37. Edit your paper.
38. Repeat steps 20 and 21 as you see fit.
39. Treat yourself to McDonald’s coffee and revel in your productivity.