Q: A close girlfriend of mine has recently went out of her mind. Within the past month I’d say she’s slept with over 10 guys. Now I don’t even want to hang around her because guys around town are starting to recognize her as a very promiscuous girl and assume I’m the same way. She’s never acted like this before in the three years we’ve been friends. Her behavior is starting to ruin a friendship that I don’t want to lose. How do I tell her to slow down and stop sleeping around?
A: With friendships, especially girl friendships that can often times get catty and unpredictable, you need to be careful how you go about flashing that stupidity light bulb in front of your friend’s face. Nevertheless, she does need your help before she ends up in the hospital with an STD or a child.
Don’t be afraid to sit her down and give her some advice on common sense. Tell her you’re concerned about her growing nighttime habits and don’t want to hear that she’s infertile later on in life because of one stupid night. But be aware, she may or may not take this well depending on her persona- which seems to be a little off of its rocker right now anyway.
Don’t tell her what to do. This is when the catty and unpredictable pieces of the puzzle come together. Once you start laying down the law of proper sexual etiquette, you’re burnig your bridges before you can say “rythm method.”
So advice is fine, demands are not.
If she doesn’t take your word that she’s being irresponsible, it wouldn’t hurt to leave her on her own for a while. Stop going out with her. Even though she’s getting a lot of attention from guys, she’ll eventually miss having girl time in the bathroom at the bars. And if she doesn’t realize that her stupidity is tearing you two apart and at least curb her promiscuity, she wasn’t a friend worth rescuing in the first place. Chances are if she sees your distress and avoidance she’ll try to consider your feelings as much as her desire for one-night stands.
Whether or not you decide to confront her she will still probably slow down once her own conscience kicks in. It must be all about the “college experience” for her; she could just be grasping the false notion that she’ll never be able to come back to this environment again. Who knows?
Just remember that she’s not doing this to hurt you as a friend. She’s merely being selfish-which people need to do sometimes (maybe not in that way, but in others)-and she is putting you and everything else second to her short-lived and desperate passionate.
What’s even worse about this whole scenario is that there are enough sickening men out there who are willing to consistently provide their second body to your friend’s math equation in bed.
And one more thing-deadbolt your bedroom door at night when she brings someone home.; her offbeat ways could bring in some scary guys.